Is it possible for you to rewrite this paper for me . I have attached the paper I wrote and the comments from my professor.
Student: Mwila Mulenga Module: MDM83 Submission Date: 03/12/2012 Presentation Title : Malnutrition among the elderly in care homes in the UK – how can it be tackled. You have selected an appropriate public health nutrition problem to work on, used sub headings to structure your work and your lengthy reference list suggests you have read around the subject. However, there is considerable repetition in your work and the word length is taken up with repetition rather than in-depth analysis. The work is overall descriptive and reads as a sequence of relevant information, including listing, with no clear strand of argument, narrativet or ‘plot’. You might want to consult with student services to access support to develop your academic writing Demonstration of understanding & knowledge You describe the problem of malnutrition in the elderly, but a) should define your terms at the start of the assignment – how old is elderly?, how malnourished – low BMI, clinical micronutrient deficiencies? You appear to focus on malnutrition in terms of lack of calories, but vitamin deficiencies eg B12 and Vitamin D are also common amongst institutionalised adults and people over 65 years and this is not mentioned. Interpretation & application (if applicable) You have referred to nutritional screening using MUST and NICE guidelines. You needed to go one stage further and consider effective interventions to ensure that NICE guidelines are implemented in practice. Your discussion on barriers and opportunities for change was limited to the red tray initiative and the protected meal times, and issues are around oral health and dentures. Broader issues about rates of pay/status and training of care home workers, commercial concerns in care home provision and any evidence of different approaches between for profit and not for profit homes, how catering or organised could also have been mentioned to demonstrate awareness of the wider economic, cultural and psycho social determinants of food…
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