What Does The Author Mean When Referring To “Authentic Sexuality”?

Based on this week’s reading chp 3-4 in Balswick, J., & Balswick, J. (2008). Authentic human sexuality: An integrated Christian approach (2nd ed.). Downers Grove, IL: Intervarsity Press. ISBN: 978-0-8308-2883-8.

Explain what does the author mean when referring to “Authentic Sexuality”? In what ways does this influence the way a person experiences a relationship?

Use Chapter 3-4, Lecture Notes and/or external research to support your discussion. Minimum 350-word count in answer to the question with in text citations to include Integration of Christian worldview and biblical themes into responses as appropriate. APA format.

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Lecture Notes: Module 2

(For Exam 2)

 

Table of Contents

HS 201: Sexuality: A Biblical Perspective

Tommy Nelson, M.A.

HS 202: The Spirit of the Act: “Having Sex” or “Making Love”?

Chris McCluskey, M.S.W.

 

Course Description

Sexuality is God’s idea – not man’s. When God created man and woman, He created sexual beings, and He declared it “very good.” In the Bible, the Song of Solomon is a book of romance. It was God’s plan that sex should be enjoyed within the confines of marriage and with healthy attitudes. Learn why sex is good and why it is a gift from God.

Learning Objectives: By the end of this lesson, students:

1. Will understand how to interpret the Song of Solomon and God’s teaching on love and romance.

2. Will understand how to have an exciting, healthy, romantic sexual relationship with your spouse.

3. Will understand God’s plan for a person’s love life from the first attraction to the opposite sex through the end of the days in marriage.

Introduction

Love, sex and romance cause both the greatest delight and the greatest pain in life. People are created in God’s image to be intimately personal and relational. God does not give people the potential for close personal relationships without telling them how to avoid pain in these relationships. In the middle of the Bible, God gives a wisdom book—the Song of Solomon—that teaches people how to experience a healthy love, sex and romantic relationship within the covenant of marriage.

I. Part One: The Art of Attraction

A. The Man – Character is More Important than Physical Looks

B. The Woman – Responsibility and Submissive Spirit Greater than Appearance

C. The Application – Searching Out the Right Mate

Physical looks are recognized, but they are relegated below the spiritual qualities.

II. Part Two: The Dating Scenario

A. The Honor and Respect of Love

B. The Desire of Sexual Attraction

C. The Proper Time to Awaken the Gift of Sex

D. The Application for Dating

III. Part Three: The Courtship (Commitment)

A. Intense Sexual Attraction (The Stag and Gazelle Hyperbole)

B. Mutual Commitment to Trust (The Picture of the Dove)

C. Mutual Commitment to Avoiding Premarital Sex (Destroying the Foxes)

D. The Application: Security, Desire and Passion Grows as a Result of Purity

IV. Part Four: The Wedding and Honeymoon

A. Man Taught to be Gentle

B. All Senses are a Part of the Sexual Experience

C. Woman’s Virginity is Saved for her Husband

D. God Sanctions the Enjoyment of Sex

E. The Application

V. Part Five: The Conflict in Marriage

A. The Selfish Response Causes Conflict

B. The Application: How to Deal with Conflict in Marriage:

· Don’t return evil for evil – respond to evil with good

· Don’t try to chasten your mate – respond with love and kindness

· Focus on resolution – seek forgiveness and solution

· Talk together – express oneself in soft language and respond attentively

· Forgive each other – reemphasize love

· Reconciliation – don’t hold an account for wrongs suffered; restore one’s mate to a place of honor

· End the conflict closer to God and each other than they were before

VI. Part Six: Keeping Romance in Marriage

A. Husband Compliments His Wife (Provides Her with Romance)

B. Woman Responds to Man and Satisfies Him (Provides Him with Exciting Sex)

· Creative

· Aggressive

· Spontaneous

VII. Part Seven: Keeping Fidelity in Marriage

A. Providential Relationship – She was born for him.

B. Possessive Relationship – “I want you and none other.”

C. Permanent Relationship – Never Breaking the Covenant

D. Persevering Relationship – Giving up Oneself to Save It

E. Precious Relationship – Requires Walking with God

F. The Conclusion: Book Ends with the Principle of Giving

Bibliography/Reading List

Hudson Productions: 7160 North Dallas Parkway, Plano, TX 75024; 1-800-729-0815

Song of Solomon Audio Series

Song of Solomon CD Series

Song of Solomon VHS or DVD Video Series

www.songofsolomon.com

Nelson, Tommy. The Book of Romance . (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 1998).

Nelson, Tommy. The Big Picture. (Plano, TX: Hudson Productions, 1999).

Nelson, Tommy. The Problem of Life with God. (Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman, 2002).

HS 201 Study Questions

1. What is the primary theme of the Song of Solomon? How is it divided and how is it meant to be interpreted?

2. What applications can singles learn from the first few chapters of the Song of Solomon about dating and sexual attraction?

3. According to the “honeymoon part” of Song of Solomon, how did God intend for sex to be used in marriage?

4. What do people learn about how to deal with conflict in marriage from the couple in Song of Solomon? How did they deal with their conflict, and what was the end result of their conflict?

5. How did the couple in Song of Solomon view their marriage? What were the keys to their lasting fidelity in their relationship?

Soul Care Notes

Ecclesiastes 9:9

Song of Solomon 1:2-4

Song of Solomon 7:6-12

Malachi 2:13-16

John 2:2

Ephesians 5:21-26

1 Corinthians 7:2-5

HS 202

THE SPIRIT OF THE ACT: “HAVING SEX” OR “MAKING LOVE”?

Chris McCluskey, MSW

Course Description

When it comes to sexual intimacy there is a world of difference between “having sex” and “making love.” This lesson presents a very practical model to help couples connect deeply and establish patterns that will enhance their intimacy and fulfillment throughout their years together. It weaves together the various threads of love that need to be integrated into a tapestry of a flourishing, life-long marriage. The fruit of making that commitment is often the best sex and deepest love that one can have in a marriage.

Learning Objectives: By the end of this lesson, students:

1. Will understand the process of “making love” versus “having sex.”

2. Will be able to identify difficulties and solutions in the love-making experience.

3. Will understand how to enjoy a fulfilling, life-long sexual relationship with their spouses.

Introduction

This course introduces the love-making model which Dr. McCluskey developed to determine whether a couple is experiencing the act of sex as God intended it. When Christ came to earth, He emphasized the importance of the spirit of our acts rather than the acts of behavior themselves. Couples who learn how to enjoy the spirit of the act of making love, have a unique “super-glue” that holds their marriage together and glorifies God through their oneness.

I. Making love as a means of communication

A. Communication Occurs Between

· Husband and wife

· The couple and God

B. The Definition of “Intercourse”: To Have an Exchange or Communing between

Persons

· Non-verbal communication

· Sexual union communicates our spiritual oneness

1. Ecclesiastes: Cord of three strands

2. Song of Solomon: Celebration or feast equaled to marriage

Supper of the Lamb (union of Christ with the church)

II. The Love-Making Model

A. The Sexual Response Cycle (Masters & Johnson)

· Arousal phase

· Plateau phase

· Climax phase

· Resolution phase

B. Connecting the Love-Making Cycle to Our Relationships

· Picture of “Wheels”

· Diagnostic tool

C. Four Quadrants

· Atmosphere quadrant: What does the rest of the relationship look like?

1. Intimate marriage: Vulnerability, trust, transparency

2. Mature lovers: Serving, giving and receiving

3. Privacy: Finding time alone

4. Energy: Level of fatigue

5. Time: Nourishing to relationship

6. Anticipation: Plan for and prepare for love-making

i. Poor body images

ii. Poor sexual images or trauma

7. Initiation: Verbal as well as nonverbal

8. Mutual Consent: For the couple, not just the man

· Arousal Quadrant: The passion and sensory flooding phase

· Playful interaction: Abandonment, curiosity, taunting, teasing

2. Mutual exploration: Naked physically, spiritually, emotionally

3. Attention to the senses: Stimulating all the senses

i. Beach illustration

ii. Thanksgiving illustration

iii. Listing sensory responses

4. Letting the passion build: Continue to flood the senses

· Apex Quadrant: Typically the orgasm phase

1. Focusing on Pleasure Building

i. Attend to the woman first

ii Communicate verbally

· Spiritual oneness

· Abandonment to love-making

· Surrender of control

· Climax: Uncontrolled physical response

· Afterglow Quadrant: Restabilizing, cementing of relationship

1. Reflection: Stay as long as possible

2. Basking: Verbally affirm each other

1. Giving feedback: Share what was enjoyed

Making love is a means of expressing with bodies what words cannot about spiritual oneness as a couple.

Bibliography/Reading List

Hart, Archibald D. Secrets of Eve: Understanding the Mystery of Female Sexuality .

(Nashville, TN: Word, 1998).

McCluskey, Christopher. Coaching Couples into Passionate Intimacy: God’s Intention for

Marital Sexual Union (videotape). Coaching for Christian Living, 2001. Order at

www.christian-living.com .

Penner, Clifford and Joyce. The Gift of Sex . (Waco, TX: Word, 1981).

Rosenau, Douglas. A Celebration of Sex . (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 2002).

Stoop, David and Jan. The Complete Marriage Book . (Grand Rapids, MI: Fleming H. Revell,

2002).

Wheat, Ed and Gaye. Intended for Pleasure: Sex Technique and Sexual Fulfillment in

Christian Marriage. (Grand Rapids, MI: Fleming H. Revell, 1997).

HS 202 Study Questions

1. What is the difference between “making love” and “having sex?” How does “making love” glorify God?

2. What does the word “intercourse” mean? How is making-love a means of communication? Who is the communication between?

3. What biblical pictures does the Bible give to illustrate sex?

4. What are the four phases of the sexual response cycle?

5. What are the four quadrants of Dr. McCluskey’s love-making model? Describe the pieces of each quadrant. How are difficulties identified and solved in each quadrant?

Soul Care Notes

Song of Solomon 7:6-12

Ruth 1:16

Matthew 5:27; 33-37

John 13:34-35

John 14:21-23

John 15:12-13

1 Corinthians 7:2-5

James 1:19

1 Peter 3:10

1 John 3:18; 4:12

SEXUAL ENRICHMENT

 

HS 201

SEXUALITY: A BIBLICAL PERSPECTIVE

Tommy Nelson, M.A.