Technical Writing Evaluation Report.

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Technically-Write!

Ron B l i c q Lisa Moretto RGI International

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S ix t h Ed i t i on

Upper Saddle River, New Jersey Columbus, Ohio

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Editor in Chief: Stephen Helba Executive Editor: Gary Bauer Editorial Assistant: Natasha Holden Production Editor: Louise N. Sette Design Coordinator: Diane Ernsberger Cover Designer: Monica Kompter Cover art: Comstock Production Manager: Brian Fox Marketing Manager: Leigh Ann Sims

This book was set by Phyllis Seto. It was printed and bound by Courier Kendallville, Inc. The cover was printed by Phoenix Color Corp.

Copyright © 2004 by Pearson Education, Inc., Upper Saddle River, New Jersey 07458. Pearson Prentice Hall. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. This publication is protected by Copyright and permission should be obtained from the publisher prior to any prohibited reproduction, storage in a retrieval system, or transmission in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or likewise. For information regarding permission(s), write to: Rights and Permissions Department.

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10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

ISBN 0-13-114878-8

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Contents

About the Authors xi

Preface xiii

People as “Communicators” xv

Chapter 1 Why Technical People Need to Write Well 1

The First Fifty Years 1 A Change in Style 2

Chapter 2 A Technical Person’s Approach to Writing 4

Simplifying the Approach 4 Planning the Writing Task 5 Writing the First Draft 12 Taking a Break 15 Reading with a Plan 16

Checking for Clarity 16 Checking for Correct Tone and Style 18 Checking for Accuracy 21

Revising Your Own Words 21 Assignments 23

Chapter 3 Letters, Memos, and Emails 24

Using the Pyramid 24 Identifying the Main Message 24 Getting Started 25 Avoiding False Starts 27

Planning the Letter 27 Opening Up the Pyramid 29 Writing to Inform 31 Writing to Persuade 32

Creating a Confident Image 37 Be Brief 37 Be Clear 40

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Be Definite 41 Close on a Strong Note 41

Adopting a Pleasant Tone 42 Know Your Reader 42 Be Sincere 43 Be Human 43 Avoid Words That Antagonize 43 Know When to Stop 45

Using a Businesslike Format 45 Letter Styles 46 Interoffice Memo 49 Fax Cover Sheet 50

Writing Electronic Mail 51 Email Netiquette 52 Email Guidelines 54

Assignments 57

Chapter 4 Short Informal Reports 66

Internal Versus External 66 Writing Style 67 Incident Report 68 Trip Report 73

Short Trip Reports 73 Longer Trip Reports 74

Progress or Status Reports 77 Occasional Progress Report 77 Periodic Progress Report 77 Personal Progress Report 83

Project Completion Report 84 Inspection Report 86 Laboratory Report 89 Assignments 93

Chapter 5 Longer Informal and Semiformal Reports 100

Investigation Report 100 Conducting a Comparative Analysis 105 Opening with a Summary Page 107

Evaluation Report/Feasibility Study 109 Assignments 118

vi Contents

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Chapter 6 Formal Reports 124

Major Parts 125 Summary 125 Introduction 127 Discussion 129 Conclusions 134 Recommendations 135 Appendixes 135

Subsidiary Parts 136 Cover 136 Title Page 137 Table of Contents 137 References (Endnotes), Bibliography, and Footnotes 138 Cover Letter 146 Executive Summary 147

The Complete Formal Report 147 The Main Parts 147 Traditional Arrangement of Report Parts 148 Pyramidal Arrangement of Report Parts 153

Assignments 177

Chapter 7 Technical Proposals 186

Overall Writing Plan 187 Short Informal Proposal 188 Longer Informal or Short Semiformal Proposal 188 Student Project Proposal 198 Longer Semiformal Proposal: Single Solution 199 Longer Semiformal Proposal: Multiple Solutions 200 Writing Plan Flexibility 203 The Language of Proposal Writing 203

1. Present Only Essential Information 203 2. Use the Active Voice 203 3. Avoid Wishy-washy Words 204 4. Avoid Giving Opinions 204

Assignments 205

Chapter 8 Other Technical Documents 208

User’s Manual 208 Identify the Audience 208

Contents vii

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Writing Plan 209 Describing the Product 209 Using the Product 210

Technical Instruction 214 Start with a Plan 215 Give Your Reader Confidence 216 Avoid Ambiguity 217 Write Bite-Size Steps 218 Insert Fail-Safe Precautions 220 Insist on an Operational Check 220

Scientific Paper 221 Appearance 221 Writing Style 222 Organization 222

Technical Papers and Articles 226 Assignments 232

Chapter 9 Illustrating Technical Documents 238

Primary Guidelines 238 Computer-Designed Graphs and Charts 239 Graphs 239

Single Curve 240 Multiple Curves 240 Scales 242 Simplicity 245

Charts 246 Bar Charts 246 Histograms 249 Surface Charts 249 Pie Charts 253

Diagrams 253 Photographs 254 Tables 256 Positioning the Illustrations 257 Working with an Illustrator 258 Assignments 260

Chapter 10 Technically-Speak! 262

The Technical Briefing 262

viii Contents

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Establish the Circumstances 262 Find a Pattern 263 Prepare to Speak 264 Now Make Your Presentation 267

The Technical Paper 270 Taking Part in Meetings 272

The Chairperson’s Role 272 The Participants’ Role 275 The Secretary’s Role 276

Assignments 278

Chapter 11 Communicating with Prospective Employers 282

The Employment-Seeking Process 283 Using the Internet in Your Job Search 284 Developing a Personal Data Record 285

Education 286 Work Experience 286 Extracurricular Activities 286 References 287

Preparing a Resume 288 Resume Formats 288

The Traditional Resume 289 The Focused Resume 292 The Functional Resume 294

Electronic Resume Formats 302 Plain Text Resumes 302 Keyword Summary Resumes 304 Scanned Resumes 305 HTML Web Portfolios 305

Writing a Letter of Application 306 The Solicited Application Letter 307 The Unsolicited Application Letter 310

Completing a Company Application Form 310 Attending an Interview 312

Prepare for the Interview 312 Create a Good Initial Impression 314 Participate Throughout the Interview 314

Accepting a Job Offer 316 Assignments 318

Contents ix

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Chapter 12 The Technique of Technical Writing 322

The Whole Document 322 Tone 322 Style 324 Appearance 326 Use Good Language 331

Paragraphs 332 Unity 332 Coherence 333 Adequate Development 335 Correct Length 336

Sentences 337 Unity 337 Coherence 338 Emphasis 339 Completeness 341

Words 343 Words That Tell a Story 344 Combining Words into Compound Terms 345 Long Versus Short Words 346 Low-Information-Content Expressions 346

Some Fine Points 348 Using Parallelism to Good Effect 348 Abbreviating Technical and Nontechnical Terms 352 Writing Numbers in Narrative 353 Writing Metric Units and Symbols (SI) 354 Writing Non-Gender-Specific Language 356

Writing for an International Audience 359 Writing Business Correspondence 360 Revising the Writing Plan 361 Writing Guidelines 362

Assignments 363

Glossary of Technical Usage 374

Index 401

Marking Control Chart 409

x Contents

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About the Authors

on Blicq and Lisa Moretto are Senior Consultants with RGI International, a consulting company specializing in oral and written communication. They teach workshops, based on the Pyramid

Method of Writing presented in this book, to audiences all over the world. In 2001, they opened a second company—RGI Learning Inc.—specifical- ly to deliver their courses on the Web. Their web site is www.rgilearning. com.

Ron is Senior Consultant at RGI’s Canadian office. He has extensive experience as a technical writer and editor with the Royal Air Force in Britain and CAE Industries Limited in Canada, and taught technical com- munication at Red River College from 1967 to 1990. Ron has authored five books with Pearson Education and has written and produced six edu- cational video programs, such as Sharpening Your Business Communication Skills and So, You Have to Give a Talk? He is a Fellow of both the Society for Technical Communication and the Association of Teachers of Technical Writing, and a Life Member of the Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers Inc. Ron lives in Winnipeg, Manitoba.

Lisa is Senior Consultant at RGI’s United States office. She has expe- rience as an Information Developer for IBM in the US and as a Learning Products Engineer for Hewlett-Packard in the UK. Lisa holds a B.S. in Technical Communication from Clarkson University in New York, and an M.S. in User Interface Design from the London Guildhall University in England. Her specialties include developing online interactive information, designing user interfaces, and writing product documen- tation. She is a senior member of the Society for Technical Communication and a member of the Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers Inc. Lisa lives in Rochester, New York.

(Photo: Mary Lou Stein)

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xiii

Preface

his book presents all aspects of technical communication that you, as a technician, technologist, engineer, scientist, computer and envi- ronmental specialist, or technical manager, are likely to encounter in

industry. It contains numerous examples of letters, reports, and proposals, all based on the unique “pyramid” method for structuring information, a technique that has helped countless technical people overcome “writer’s block.”

With each previous edition of Technically-Write!, changes were intro- duced to reflect the way technical professionals were currently presenting information in the various industries and in engineering consulting firms. This edition is no exception—in fact we have made more changes than ever before. Here are some of the most noticeable revisions:

● There is a new, opening chapter that traces how, over 100 years ago, the engineering community recognized that more attention needed to be placed on increasing a technical professional’s ability to commu- nicate effectively, and how lecturers at universities and colleges responded.

● Chapter 3 has more information on how to plan and write email messages.

● Chapter 4 now includes a personal progress report which helps keep managers informed of the writer’s activities.

● There is a comprehensive new chapter (Chapter 7) on how to write informal and semiformal proposals.

● The chapter on writing resumes and attending interviews (Chapter 11) has been enlarged to include new techniques for submitting elec- tronic resumes.

● The glossary has been enlarged to include more computer-related terms.

If you have seen previous editions, you will have noticed that the shape of the book has also changed. The shape will seem slimmer because we have reduced the number of pages by about 7%. We did this partly to help reduce the cost for purchasers, and partly to place some of the assign- ments and exercises in an instructor’s manual and for electronic delivery.

Information about the two companies—H. L. Winman and Associates and Macro Engineering Inc.—has been removed, but many of the model let- ters and reports, and end-of-chapter assignments, still retain these two com- panies to provide a logical environment for the documents and exercises.

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xiv Preface

Along the way, we have very much appreciated the friendly advice and many helpful suggestions from users of the book, both teachers and stu- dents, and the advice of reviewers. In particular, we would like to thank the following reviewers: John Roberts (Mohawk College), Lisa Wolanski- McGirr (Keewatin College), George Scott (Seneca College), Alexa Campbell (Red River College), Elizabeth Smyth and Joe Benge (Camosun College). Their ideas have guided us in preparing this sixth edition. We are also celebrating, for it’s 32 years since the first edition of Technically- Write! was published!

R.B. & L.M.

Supplements The sixth edition of Technically-Write! is supported by a comprehensive supplements package, which includes the following:

● Instructor’s Resource Manual with Transparency Masters ISBN 0-13-117238-7

● Test Item File ISBN 0-13-117237-9 ● Test GenEQ ISBN 0-13-117236-0 ● Text-Enrichment Website ISBN 0-13-117234-4 ● Instructor Resource CD ISBN 0-13-117526-2

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People as “Communicators”

e are equipped with a highly sophisticated communication sys- tem, yet we consistently fail to use it properly. The system com- prises a transmitter and receiver combined into a single package

controlled by a built-in computer, the brain. It accepts multiple inputs and transmits in three mediums: action, speech, and writing.

We spend many of our waking hours communicating, half the time as a transmitter, half as a receiver. If, as a receiver, we mentally switch off or permit ourselves to change channels while someone else is trans- mitting, we contribute to information loss. Similarly, if as a transmitter we permit our narrative to become disorganized, unconvincing, or sim- ply uninteresting, we encourage frequency drift. Our listeners detune their receivers and let their computers think about the lunch that’s immi- nent, or wonder if they should rent a video tonight.

As long as a person transmits clearly, efficiently, and persuasively, people receiving the message keep their receivers “locked on” to the transmitting frequency (this applies to all written, visual, and spoken transmissions). Such conditions expedite the transfer of information, or “communication.”

In direct contact, in which one person is speaking directly to another, the receiver has the opportunity to ask the transmitter to clarify vaguely presented information. But in more formal speech situations, and in all forms of written and most visual communication, the receiver no longer has this advantage. He or she cannot stop a speaker who mumbles or uses unfamiliar terminology to ask that parts of a talk be repeated or clarified; neither can the receiver easily ask a writer in another city to explain an incoherent passage of a business letter, or the producer of a video program to describe the point the video is trying to make.

The results of failure to communicate efficiently soon become appar- ent. If people fail to make themselves clear in day-to-day communica- tion, the consequences are likely to differ from those they anticipated, as Cam Collins has discovered to his chagrin.

Cam is a junior electrical engineer at Macro Engineering Inc., and his specialty is high-voltage power generation. When he first read about a recent extra-high-voltage (EHV) DC power conference, he wanted urgently to attend. In a memorandum to Fred Stokes, the company’s chief engineer, Cam described the conference in glowing terms that he hoped would convince Fred to approve his request. This is what he wrote:

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Fred

The EHV conference described in the attached brochure is just the thing we

have been looking for. Only last week you and I discussed the shortage of

good technical information in this area, and now here is a conference featur-

ing papers on many of the topics we are interested in. The cost is only $228 for

registration, which includes a visit to the Freeling Rapids Generating Station.

Travel and accommodation will be about $850 extra. I’m informing you of this

early so you can make a decision in time for me to arrange flight bookings

and accommodation.

Cam

Fred Stokes was equally enthusiastic and wrote back: Cam

Thanks for informing me of the EHV DC conference. I certainly don’t want to

miss it. Please make reservations for me as suggested in your memorandum.

Fred

Cam was the victim of his own carelessness: he had failed to com- municate clearly that it was he who wanted to go to Freeling Rapids!

Elizabeth Drew, on the other hand, did not realize she had missed a golden opportunity to be first with an innovative computer technique until it was too late to do anything about it. Her story stems from an incident that occurred several years ago, when she was a recently gradu- ated engineer employed by a manufacturer of agricultural machinery. Elizabeth’s job was to design modifications to the machinery, and then prepare the change procedure documentation for the production depart- ment, service representatives, sales staff, and customers.

“For each modification I had to coordinate three different docu- ments,” she explained to us over lunch. “First, there had to be a design change notice to send out to everyone concerned. And then there had to be an ‘exploded’ isometric drawing showing a clear view of every part, with each part cross-referenced to a parts list. And finally there had to be the parts list itself, with every item labeled fully and accurately.”

Elizabeth found that cross-referencing a drawing to its parts list was a tedious, time-consuming task. The isometric drawing of the part was computer generated by the drafting department. The parts list was also keyed into a computer, but by a separate department. However, because the two computer systems were incompatible, cross-referencing had to be done manually.

“And then I hit on a technique for interfacing the two programs,” Elizabeth explained. “It was simple, really, and I kept wondering why no one else had thought of it!”

Without telling anyone, she modified one of the company’s software programs and tested her idea with five different modification kits. “It worked!” she laughed. “And, best of all, I found that cross-referencing could be done in one-tenth of the time.”

xvi People as ”Communicators”

Cam’s request fails to

convince

Elizabeth has a good

idea…

…it was simple and effi-

cient…

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Elizabeth felt her employer should know about her idea: possibly the company could market the software, or even help her copyright it. So the following day she stopped Mr. Haddon, the Engineering Manager, as they passed in the hallway, and blurted out her suggestion. This is the conversation that ensued:

People as ”Communicators” xvii

Elizabeth Oh! Mr. Haddon! You know how long it takes to do the documenta- tion for a new part…?

The problem is in trying to inter- face between the graphics com- puter and the parts list…

…It has to be done by hand, you see…

Oh, yes! They do. I was just trying to help them…to speed up their work a bit.

Oh, no! It was just an idea I had— to modify the software we use…

No. You didn’t. I was doing it on my own… (She meant she was doing it on her own time.)

Well—uh—no. Not exactly…

(Reluctantly) Uh-huh.

I wanted to try…

Mr. Haddon

Yes..s..s..?

(Mr. Haddon appeared to be lis- tening politely, but internally he was growing impatient.)

Doesn’t the drafting department do all that?

You’re working for the chief draftsman now?

I don’t remember issuing you a work order…

You mean the I.T. people asked you to do it?

But you have been modifying one of our software programs? Without authority?

I thought I had made it quite clear to all the staff: No projects are to be undertaken without my approval! (His tone was cold and abrupt.)

That’s final! (And he turned on his heel and continued down the hall.)

…but Elizabeth didn’t

know how to articulate

her ideas clearly

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Elizabeth’s simple suggestion had become lost in a web of misunder- standing. By the time she was through explaining what she had been doing, she had given up trying to offer her idea to the company. And so her idea lay dormant for two years, until a major software company came out with a comparable program. Elizabeth knew then that perhaps there had been market potential for her design.

If Cam Collins and Elizabeth Drew had paused to consider the needs of the people who were to receive their information, they would never have launched precipitously into discourses that omitted essential facts. Cam had only to start his memorandum with a request (“May I have your approval to attend an EHV DC conference next month?”), and Elizabeth with a statement of purpose (“I have designed a software pro- gram that can save us hundreds of dollars annually. May I have a few moments to describe it to you?”), to command the attention of their department heads. Both Mr. Stokes and Mr. Haddon could then have much more effectively appraised the information.

Such circumstances occur daily. They are frustrating to those who fail to communicate their ideas, and costly when the consequences are carried into business and industry.

Bill Carr recently devised and installed a monitor unit for the remote control panel at the microwave relay station where he is the resident engineering technologist. As his modification greatly improved operating methods, Janet Reid, Manager of Technical Services at head office, asked him to submit an installation drawing and an accompanying description. Here is part of his description:

Some difficulty was experienced in finding a suitable location for the monitor

unit. Eventually it was mounted on a locally manufactured bracket attached to

the left-hand upright of the control panel, as shown on the attached drawing.

On the strength of Bill’s explicit mounting description and detailed list of hardware, Janet instructed project coordinator Phyllis Walters to convert Bill’s description into an installation instruction, purchase mate- rials, assemble 21 modification kits, and ship them to the 21 other relay stations in the microwave link.

Within a week, the 21 resident engineering technologists were reporting to Phyllis that it was impossible to mount the monitor unit as instructed, because of an adjoining control unit. Neither Janet nor Phyllis had remembered that Bill Carr was located at site 22, the last relay station in the microwave link, where there was no need for an additional control unit. Bill had assumed that Janet would be aware that the equipment layout at his station was unique. As he commented after- ward: “I was never told why I had to describe the modification, or what head office planned to do with my description.”

In business and industry we must communicate clearly and under- stand fully the implications of failing to do so. A poorly worded order

xviii People as ”Communicators”

They need to focus their

messages

Good intentions…

…resulting in confusion!

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that results in the wrong part being supplied to a job site, a weak report that fails to motivate the reader to take the urgent action needed to avert a costly equipment breakdown, and even an inadequate job application that fails to sell an employer on the right person for a prospective job, all increase the cost of doing business. Such mistakes and misunder- standings are wasteful of the country’s labor and resources. Many of them can be prevented by more effective communication—communica- tion that is receiver-oriented rather than transmitter-oriented, and that transmits messages using the most expeditious, economical, and efficient means at our command.

People as ”Communicators” xix

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Chapter 1

Why Technical People Need to Write Well

Over the past four years we have asked numerous technical professionals: “What is the publication date of the earliest book on technical writing that you own?”

Nearly everyone listed books from the 1960s and 1970s. Yet our research shows that the teaching of technical writing in science and engin- eering courses began more than one hundred years ago, in 1901, when the Society for the Promotion of Engineering Education (SPEE) published this succinct statement:

The writing skills of engineering students are deplorable and need to be

addressed by engineering colleges.

These words did not go unheeded. Although technical communication was not part of a technical student’s curriculum in those days, and was rarely included even in the range of courses taught by the English depart- ment, some engineering and English professors, both in North America and Great Britain, quietly began teaching the importance of good writing as part of other technical courses. After doing this for many years, some of them published books based on the notes they had typed up for their students. The following is a brief history of those texts.

The First Fifty Years In 1908, T. A. Rickard, an associate of the Royal School of Mines in London, England, published a book titled A Guide to Technical Writing.1

He wrote:

Conscientious writers try to improve their mode of expression by precision of

terms, by careful choice of words, and by the arrangement of them so that they

become efficient carriers of thought from one mind to another.

Rickard titled one of his chapters: “A Plea for Greater Simplicity in the Language of Science,” having noticed that technical people tended to write in a long-winded way that was not easy for anyone outside their dis- cipline to understand.

In 1922, Karl Owen Thompson, who taught English at Case School of Applied Science in Cleveland, Ohio, published a book titled Technical

Technical

Communication

Overview

http://saulcarliner.home.

att.net/idbusiness/

historytc.htm

This site includes a brief

history of technical

communication.

In the early 1900s, tech-

nical communication

was taught by engin-

eering professors.

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2 Chapter 1

Exposition.2 In the introduction to his book he commented on the differ- ences between literary and technical writing:

The study of English at a scientific school has a more directly professional applica-

tion than it has at an academic college. Instead of courses in literature with their

cultural purposes, courses are given that prepare the students for the types of

reading and writing that will be required of them after they are graduated from

college…. English is more than a tool, it is a part of life itself in its many activities.

At the University of Michigan’s College of Engineering, J. Raleigh Nelson insisted from 1915 onward that his students write clearly. In 1940 he summed up his thoughts in a book titled Writing the Technical Report,3

in which he wrote:

In report writing, in particular, there is an increasing demand that the first page

or two shall provide a comprehensive idea of the whole report.

This was the first documented reference to what we now refer to as the Executive Summary, which precedes a long report or proposal (see Chapter 6). Reginald Kapp taught electrical engineering at University College in London. Like Nelson, he insisted his students write well. In 1948 he summed up his thoughts in a pocket-sized reference book titled The Presentation of Technical Information,4 in which he particularly drew attention to the importance of identifying the audience before (in those days) putting pen to paper. He wrote:

You must consider carefully the extent of the reader’s knowledge, his range of

interests, and…any peculiarities, whatever they may be, that might influence his

receptivity for the information you have to impart.

Similarly, forty years earlier, T. A. Rickard had written:

If you describe a stamp-mill to an experienced mill-man, a mining student, or a

bishop, you will vary the manner of telling. The most effective will be that which

has a sympathetic appreciation of the other fellow’s receptiveness. Do not plant

carnations in a clay soil, or rice in a sand-heap.5

(These authors were writing books for technical professionals, who were almost entirely male in the early part of the 20th century. They would write very differently today: for example, T. A. Rickard would probably change mill-man to mill worker and other fellow’s to other per- son’s.)

A Change in Style Tyler G. Hicks was a mechanical engineer who taught at Cooper Union School of Engineering. He had written numerous articles and three tech- nical books before turning his attention to engineering writing. In 1959, Hicks wrote Successful Technical Writing,6 a major milepost for books on technical writing because of his refreshing directness and style. Here are three examples:

In today’s global com-

munity, Thompson

would replace “English”

with “Language”

Rickard and Kapp

strongly stressed the

need to identify the

audience before starting

to write

Technical

Communication

Quarterly

www.attw.org/

Technical

Communication

Quarterly is the journal

of the Association for

Teachers of Technical

Writing.

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Technical writing always pays off. You never lose when you write a good technical

piece…. Good writing is a sure road to professional recognition.

Talk directly to the reader. Bring him into the discussion. Use the personal pro-

nouns “we” and “you,” but with discretion.

Choose verbs that create active impressions to the reader, and steer clear of the

passive voice. You thus give life to your style.

The five writers discussed here were very conscious that they were preparing their students to take up important roles in the engineering and technical professions. What they had to say to their students then is just as relevant today.

When, as a newly graduated engineer, engineering technician, or com- puter or environmental specialist, you first become employed in a techni- cal field, you might be surprised to discover that report writing is an inte- gral part of your work. As you advance in your chosen profession, you will also find that you will have to do more and more writing. We hope that Technically-Write! helps prepare you for the many situations you encounter.

Why Technical People Need to Write Well 3

Hicks’s writing still sits

well with today’s readers

Although writing styles

may have changed, the

message remains con-

stant

1. T. A. Rickard, A Guide to Technical Writing (San Francisco: Mining and Scientific Press, 1908) p. 8.

2. Karl Owen Thompson, Technical Exposition (New York: Harper & Brothers Publishers, 1922), p. vii.

3. J. Raleigh Nelson, Writing the Technical Report (New York: McGraw-Hill Book Company, 1940), p. 39.

4. Reginald O. Kapp, The Presentation of Technical Information (London: Constable & Company Ltd., 1948), p. 20. (Reprinted, with slight revisions, and published by the Institute for Scientific and Technical Communicators, UK, 1998.)

5. Rickard, p. 12.

6. Tyler G. Hicks, Successful Technical Writing (New York: McGraw-Hill Book Company, Inc., 1959), pp. 1 and 194.

R E F E R E N C E S

In 2003, the Kapp book

was still in print

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Chapter 2

A Technical Person’s Approach to Writing

Engineering technician Dan Skinner has a report to write on an investiga- tion he completed seven weeks ago. He has made several half-hearted attempts to get started, but never seemed to find the right moment: maybe he was interrupted to resolve a circuit problem, or it was too near lunchtime, or a meeting was called. And now he is up against the wire.

Unless Dan is one of those unusual people who can produce only when under pressure, he is in danger of writing an inadequate, hastily pre- pared report that does not represent his true abilities. He does not realize that by leaving a writing task until it is too late to do a good job, and then frantically organizing the work, he is probably inhibiting his writing capa- bilities.

If Dan were to relax a little, instead of worrying that he has to organ- ize himself and his writing task, he would find the physical process of writ- ing a much more pleasant experience. But first he must change his approach.

Every technical person, from student technician to potential scientist to practicing engineer, has the ability to write clearly and logically. But this ability has to be developed. Dan Skinner must first learn some basic plan- ning and writing techniques, then practice using them until he has acquired the skill and confidence that are the trademarks of an effective writer.

Simplifying the Approach Throughout this book we will be advising you to tell your readers right away what they most need or want to know. This means structuring your writing so that the first paragraph (in short documents, the first sentence) satisfies their curiosity. Most executives and many technical readers are busy people who only have time to read essential information. By pre- senting the most important items first, you can help them decide whether they want to read the whole document immediately, put it aside to read later, or pass it along to a specialist in their department.

This reader-oriented style of presentation is known as the “pyramid technique.” Imagine every letter, memorandum, or report you write is

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shaped like a pyramid: there is a small piece of essential information at the top, supported on a broad base of details, facts, and evidence. In most let- ters and short reports the pyramid has only two parts: a brief Summary followed by the Full Development, as shown in Figure 2-1(a). In long reports, an additional part—known as the Essential Details—is inserted between the Summary and the Full Development, as in Figure 2-1(b).

Normally, readers are not aware when a writer has used the pyramid technique. They simply find the letter or report well organized and easy to read. For example, in the opening paragraph of his letter report in Figure 2-2, Wes Hillman summarizes what Tina Mactiere most wants to know (whether the training course was a success and what results were achieved). In the remainder of the letter he fills in background details, states briefly how the course was run, reports on student participation and reaction, and suggests additional topics that could be covered in future courses.

Every document shown in this textbook has been structured using the pyramid technique. The pyramid’s application to letters, memorandums, email messages, reports, proposals, instructions, descriptions, and even resumes and oral presentations is described in Chapters 3 through 8, and 10 and 11. For the moment, just remember that using the pyramid is the simplest, fastest, most effective way to plan and write any document, regardless of its length. If Dan Skinner had known about the pyramid technique, he would have found it much easier to get started.

Planning the Writing Task The word “planning” seems to imply that report writers must start by thoroughly organizing both themselves and their material. We disagree. Organizing too diligently or too early in the writing process inhibits rather

A Technical Person’s Approach to Writing 5

(a) Letters and Short Reports (b) Long Reports

S = Summary

Full Development

Essential Details

S S

Figure 2-1 The pyramid writing technique.

The writer’s pyramid

helps you focus your

letters and reports

Society for Technical

Communication

Homepage

With more than 20,000

members worldwide,

STC is the largest profes-

sional organization

serving the technical

communication profes-

sion. The society’s

diverse membership

includes writers, editors,

illustrators, printers,

publishers, educators,

students, engineers, and

scientists employed in a

variety of technological

fields.

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6 Chapter 2

October 16, 2004

Tina R. Mactiere, President

Macro Engineering Inc.

600 Deepdale Drive

Phoenix AZ 85007

Dear Ms. Mactiere,

Results of Pilot Report-Writing Course

The report-writing course we conducted for members of your engineering staff

was completed successfully by 14 of the 16 participants. The average mark

was 63%.

This was a pilot course set up in response to an August 13, 2004, enquiry from

Mr. F. Stokes. At his request, we placed most emphasis on providing your staff

with practical experience in writing business letters and technical reports.

Attendance was voluntary, the 16 participants having been selected at random

from 29 applicants.

Best results were achieved by participants who recognized their writing prob-

lems before they started the course, and willingly became actively involved in

the practical work. A few said they had expected to attend an “information” type

of course, and at first were mildly reluctant to take part in the heavy writing pro-

gram. Our comments on the work done by individual participants are attached.

Course critiques completed by the participants indicate that the course met their

needs from a letter- and report-writing viewpoint, but that they felt more empha-

sis could have been placed on technical proposals and oral reporting. Perhaps

such topics could be covered in a short follow-up course.

We enjoyed developing and teaching this pilot course for your staff, and particu-

larly appreciated their enthusiastic participation.

Sincerely,

Wesley G. Hillman

Course Leader

enc

The Roning Group Inc Communication Consultants

2002 South Main Drive

Montrose OH 45287

Full development (all the

details)

Summary (main message)

Figure 2-2 A letter report written using the pyramid technique.

ISBN :0-536-45204-0

than accelerates writing. The key is to organize your information in a spontaneous, creative manner, allowing your mind to freewheel through the initial planning stages until you have collected, scrutinized, sorted, grouped, and written the topics into a logical outline that will appeal to the reader.

We recommend that Dan Skinner at first neither make an outline nor take any action that resembles organization. Instead, he should work through seven simple planning stages that are less structured and therefore less confining. These stages are shown in Figure 2-3 and described in detail below.

1. Gather Information Dan’s first step should be to assemble all the documents, results of tests, photographs, samples, computer data, specifications, and other support- ing material that he will need to write his report, or that he will insert into it. He must gather everything he will need now, because later he will not want to interrupt his writing to look for additional facts and figures.

2. Define the Reader Next, Dan must clearly identify his audience. This is probably the most important part of his planning, for if he does not, he may write an unfo- cused report that misses its mark. He must conjure up an image of the per- son or people who will read his report by asking himself six questions:

1. Who, specifically, is my reader? If it is someone he knows, his task is simplified. If it is someone he is not acquainted with (such as a cus- tomer in an out-of-town firm), he must imagine a persona.

2. Is he or she a technical person? Dan needs to know whether he can use or must avoid technical terms.

A Technical Person’s Approach to Writing 7

”Disorganize” the

writing task!

Pay primary attention to

the ultimate reader

Gather Information

NO ORGANIZING

MINOR ORGANIZING

MAJOR ORGANIZING

Define the

Reader

Define the

Purpose

Jot Down Topic Headings (Random Order)

Delete Irrelevant

Topics

Group Related Topics

Arrange Topic

Groups

Figure 2-3 The seven planning stages. In practice, these stages can overlap.

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3. How much does the reader know about the subject I will be describ- ing? This will give Dan a starting point, since he won’t need to cover information a reader already knows.

4. What does the reader want to know or expect to be told? Dan must be able to anticipate whether the reader will be receptive or hostile to the information he is presenting.

5. Will more than one person read my report? If so, Dan must repeat questions 2 through 4 for additional readers.

6. Who is my primary reader? The primary reader is the person who will make a decision or take action after reading Dan’s report. Often this is the person to whom the report is directed. On occasion it may be one of the secondary readers. For example, a report may be addressed to a department manager, but the person who uses it or does some- thing about it will be an engineer on the manager’s staff.

Dan’s inability to identify his reader was one of the reasons he had diffi- culty getting started on his report-writing task.

3. Define the Purpose Now that he has identified his reader, Dan needs to ask himself one or possibly two more questions:

7. Why am I writing to this person (or these people)? Dan needs to decide whether his objective is to pass along information (to inform the reader about something), or to convince the reader to act or react (to persuade the reader to reply, make a decision, or approve a request).

8. If Dan’s purpose is to persuade, then he also needs to ask: What action do I want the reader to take? This will help him decide what he wants his email, memo, letter, or report to achieve.

Now Dan is ready to develop a focused writing plan.

4. Jot Down Topic Headings Now Dan can start making notes. At this third stage he must “loosen up” enough to generate ideas spontaneously. He needs to brainstorm, so that he comes up with ideas and pieces of information quickly and easily, with- out stopping to question the relevance of that information. That will come later. His role for the moment is purely to collect it.

Normally, at the outlining stage, a technical person will type or write down a set of familiar or arbitrary headings, such as “Introduction,” “Initial Tests,” and “Material Resources,” and arrange them in logical order. But we want our report writer to be different. We want Dan Skinner simply to type the series of topics he plans to discuss, writing only brief headings rather than full sentences. He must do this in random order, making no attempt to force the topics into groups. The topics he knows

8 Chapter 2

Decide: Why am I creat-

ing this message?

Loosen up: Delve deeply

into brainstorming

ISBN :0-536-45204-0

best will spring readily to mind; those he knows less well may take longer to recall.

When he finishes his initial list, he should scroll up the screen and examine each topic to see if it suggests less obvious topics. As additional topics come to mind he must type them in, still in random order, until he finds he is straining to find new ideas.

Dan must not try to decide whether each topic is relevant during this spontaneous brainstorming session. If he does, he will immediately inhibit his creativity because he will become too logical and organized. He must list all topics, regardless of their importance and eventual position in the final report. At the end of this session Dan’s list should look like Figure 2-4.

A Technical Person’s Approach to Writing 9

Building OK – needs strengthening

Elevators – too slow, too small

Talk with YoYo – elev mfr (10% discount)

Waiting time too long – 70 sec

Shaft too small

How enlarge shaft?

Remove stairs?

Talk with fire inspector

Correspondence – other elev mfrs

Talk with Merrywell – Budget $950,000

Sent out questionnaire

Tenants’ preferences –

Express elev No stop – 2nd flr

Executive elev Faster service

Prestige elev No stop – ground flr

Freight elev

Freight elev – takes up too much space

Shaft only 35 × 8 ft (when modified)

Big freight elev – omit basement

Tenants “OK” small freight elev

(YoYo “C” – 8 ft)

YoYo – has office in Montrose

Basement level has loading dock

Service reputation – YoYo?

– Others?

Figure 2-4 Initial list of topic headings, typed in random order.

Let the initial outline

develop naturally, loosely

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5. Delete Irrelevant Topics The fifth stage calls for Dan to print a hard copy to work on, then to examine his list of headings with a critical eye, dividing them into those that bear directly on the subject and those that introduce topics of only marginal interest. His knowledge of the reader—identified in stage 2—will help him decide whether each topic is really necessary, so he can delete irrelevant topics as has been done in Figure 2-5.

6. Group Related Topics The headings that remain should be grouped into “topic areas” that will be discussed together. Dan can do this by simply coding related topics with

10 Chapter 2

Start grouping your

topics into compart-

ments

Now start pulling the

pieces together

Figure 2-5 The same list of topic headings, but with irrelevant topics deleted and remaining topics coded into subject groups (A–structural implications; B–elevator manufacturers; C–tenants’ preferences; D–freight elevator).

Building OK – needs strengthening

Elevators – too slow, too small

Talk with YoYo – elev mfr (10% discount)

Waiting time too long – 70 sec

Shaft too small

How enlarge shaft?

Remove stairs?

Talk with fire inspector

Correspondence – other elev mfrs

Talk with Merrywell – Budget $950,000

Sent out questionnaire

Tenants’ preferences –

Express elev No stop – 2nd flr

Executive elev Faster service

Prestige elev No stop – ground flr

Freight elev

Freight elev – takes up too much space

Shaft only 35 × 8 ft (when modified)

Big freight elev – omit basement

Tenants “OK” small freight elev

(YoYo “C” – 8 ft)

YoYo – has office in Montrose

Basement level has loading dock

Service reputation – YoYo?

– Others?

ISBN :0-536-45204-0

the same symbol or letter. In Figure 2-5, letter (A) identifies one group of related topics, letter (B) another group, and so on.

7. Arrange the Topic Groups At this stage we encourage Dan to take his first major organizational step: to arrange the groups of information in the most suitable order. At the same time he needs to sort out the order of the headings within each group. He must consider:

● which order of presentation will be most interesting, ● which will be most logical, and ● which will be simplest to understand.

The result will become his final writing plan or report outline. Figure 2-6 shows Dan’s final writing plan. Depending on how he prefers to work, Dan can use a hard copy of his outline, or work directly onscreen from a word-processing file.

A Technical Person’s Approach to Writing 11

Let the final outline

evolve from the subject

matter… Building condition:

OK – needs strengthening (shaft area)

Existing elev shaft too small

Remove adjoining staircase

Shaft size now 35 × 8 ft

Tenants’ needs:

Sent out questionnaire

Identified 5 major requests

Requests we must meet:

Cut waiting time: 32 sec (max)

Handle freight up to 7 ft 6 in. long

Requests we should try to meet:

Express elev to top 4 floors

Deluxe models (for prestige)

Private elev (for executives)

Budget: must be within $950,000

Elevator manufacturers:

Researched 3

Only YoYo Co. offers discount

Only YoYo Co. has Montrose office

Figure 2-6 Topic headings arranged into a writing outline.

… rather than force the

subject matter into a

prescribed pattern

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A final comment about outlining: If you have already developed an outlining method that works well for you, or you are using outlining soft- ware successfully, then we suggest you continue as you have been doing. The outlining method suggested here is for people who are seeking a sim- pler, more creative way to develop outlines than the one they are cur- rently using.

Writing the First Draft As we sit at our desks, with the heading “Writing the First Draft” at the top of Ron’s computer screen and “Focus the Letter” at the top of Lisa’s (Lisa is working on Chapter 3), we find we are experiencing the same problem that every writer encounters from time to time: an inability to find the right words—any words—that can be strung together to make coherent sentences and paragraphs. The ideas are there, circling around inside our skulls, and the outlines are there, so we cannot excuse ourselves by saying we have not prepared adequately. What, then, is wrong?

The answer is simple. Ten minutes ago the telephone rang and Jack, a neighbor, announced he would shortly bring over a “Neighborhood Block Watch” plan for Ron to sign. Ron paused to switch on the coffee, for we know that Jack will expect a cup while we talk, and now we can hear the percolator grumbling away in the distance. We cannot concentrate when we know our continuity of thought is so soon to be broken.

Continuity is the key to getting one’s writing done. In our case, this means writing at fairly long sittings during which we know we will not be disturbed. We must be out of reach of the telephone, visiting friends, and even family, so we can write continuously. Only when we have reached a logical break in the writing, or have temporarily exhausted an easy flow of words, can we afford to stop and enjoy that cup of cappuccino!

It is no easier to find a quiet place to write in the business world. The average technical person who tries to write a report in a large office can- not simply ignore the surroundings. A conversation taking place in an adjacent cubicle will interfere with one’s creative thought processes. And even a co-worker collecting money for the pool on that night’s NHL game between the New York Rangers and the L.A. Kings will interrupt writing continuity.

The problem of finding a quiet place to write can be hard to resolve, particularly now that most people type their reports on a computer, so cannot move away from their desks (unless they are fortunate enough to own a laptop). For technical students, who frequently have to work on a tiny writing space in a crowded classroom, or in a roomful of computer terminals, conditions are even worse. Outlining in the classroom, followed by typing at home or in the seclusion of a library cubicle, is a possible alternative.

12 Chapter 2

Write where you won’t

be disturbed: no tele-

phone, no pager, no

cellphone

Write whatever way

works best for you

ISBN :0-536-45204-0

Before you start writing you need to consider the page layout and make decisions like these:

● What font you will use, and whether it should be serif or sans serif. A serif type has tops and tails on its ascenders and descenders (this book is set in Sabon, which is a serif type). A sans serif type is much plainer (Helvetica is a typical sans serif type).

● Whether you will print the report in 10 or 12 point type (i.e. with 10 or 12 characters to the linear inch). Generally, 11 or 12 point is better for serif fonts, and 10 or 11 point is better for sans serif fonts.

● The number of lines you want on a page, and the width of your planned typing lines.

● The width of the margins you want on either side of the text and at the top and bottom of the page.

● Whether you want the right margin to be justified (straight) or ragged. Research shows that paragraphs set with a ragged right margin are easier to read than paragraphs set with a justified right margin.

● Where you want the page numbers to be positioned (top or bottom of the page, and either centered or to one side of the page); on most systems page numbers are printed automatically, but you can select where they are to appear.

● The line spacing you want (single or double), and how many blank lines you want between paragraphs (normally one or one-and-a- half).

● Whether the first line of each paragraph is to be indented or set “flush” with the left margin; and, if indented, how long the indenta- tion is to be.

● For long words at the end of a line, whether you or the computer will decide where the word is to be hyphenated (you can also select no hyphenation).

● The levels of headings you will use, and how you will use different font sizes and boldface type to differentiate between them. (See page 326 and Figure 12-1 of Chapter 12 for guidelines.)

Most popular word-processing programs provide default settings for these options, but you should be aware of them and how to customize the page layout for your particular needs. Every program is different, so consult the documentation that comes with your word-processing software for instructions on how to change an option.

Dan Skinner is ready to start writing, but now he encounters another difficulty. Equipped with his outline and the keyboard in front of him, he finds that he does not know where to begin. Or he may tackle the task enthusiastically, determined to write a really effective introduction, only to find that nothing he writes really says what he wants to say.

A Technical Person’s Approach to Writing 13

You have to set up page

parameters only once;

the first time

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We frequently advise technical people who encounter this “no start” block that the best place for them to start writing is at paragraph two, or even somewhere in the middle. For example, if Dan finds that a particular part of his project interests him more than other parts, he should write about that part first. His interest and familiarity with the subject will help him write those few first words, and keep him going once he has started. The most important thing is to start writing, to put any words at all down, even if they are not exactly the right words, and to let them lead natur- ally into the next group of ideas.

This is where continuity becomes essential: don’t interrupt the writing process to correct a minor point of construction, write perfect grammar, find exactly the right word, fiddle with page layout, or construct sentences and paragraphs of just the right length. That can be done later, during revision. The important thing is to keep building on that rough draft, so that when you stop for a break you know you have written something you can work up into a presentable document.

If, as he writes, Dan cannot find exactly the word he wants, he should jot down a similar word and type in a question mark enclosed in paren- theses immediately after it, as a reminder to change the word when the first draft is finished. Similarly, if he is not sure how to spell a certain word, he should resist the temptation to turn to a dictionary, for that will disrupt the nat-ural flow of his writing. Again, he should draw attention to the word as a reminder that he must consult his dictionary later. See Figure 2-7.

We cannot stress this too strongly: writers should not correct their work as they write. Writing and revising are two entirely separate func- tions, and they call for different approaches. They cannot be done simul- taneously. Writing calls for creativity and total immersion in the subject so the words tumble out in a constant flow. Revision calls for lucidity and logic, which force a writer to reason and query the suitability of the words he or she has written. The first requires excluding every thought but the subject; the second demands an objectivity that challenges the material from the reader’s point of view. Writers who try to correct their work as they write soon become frustrated, because creativity and objectivity are constantly fighting for control.

The length of each writing session will vary, depending on the writer’s experience and the complexity of the topic. If a document is short, it should be written all at one sitting. If it is long, it should be divided into several medium-length sessions that suit the writer’s staying power.

In Dan’s case, at the end of each session he should glance back over his work, note the words he has circled or questioned, and make a few necessary changes (Figure 2-7 is a page from a typical first draft). He must not yet attempt to rewrite paragraphs and sentences for better emphasis. He must leave such major changes until later, when enough time has elapsed for him to read his work objectively. Only then can he review his work as a complete document and see the relationship among its parts. Only then can he be completely critical.

14 Chapter 2

Tips for combatting

“writer’s block”

Write without stopping

to revise; that comes

later

Get on a roll…and keep

rolling!

ISBN :0-536-45204-0

Taking a Break When Dan has written the final paragraph of his report, he has to resist the temptation to start revising it immediately. He knows some sections are weak, he is not happy about some passages, and the desire to correct them is strong. But it’s too soon. Certainly he can pass the draft through a spell-checker, make a safety copy, and print out the pages (we create a double-spaced draft, so we will have room to write in revisions when we are editing). But then he needs to staple them together and set them aside while he tackles a completely unrelated task.

Reading without a suitable waiting period encourages writers to look at their work through rose-tinted spectacles. Sentences they would normally recognize as weak or too wordy appear to contain words of wisdom. Gross inaccuracies that under other circumstances they would pounce on go unno- ticed. Paragraphs that might not be understood by a reader new to the sub- ject, seem abundantly clear. Their familiarity with their work blinds them to its weaknesses. The remedy is to wait.

A Technical Person’s Approach to Writing 15

Let time “distance” you

from your writing

Use question marks as a

search tool

Tenants’ Needs

To find out what the building’s tenants most needed in elevator

service, we asked each company to fill out a questionaire (sp?).

From their answers we were able to identify 5 factors needing

consideration:

1. A major problem seems to be the length of time a person

must wait for an elevator. Every tenant said we must cut

out lengthy waits. A survey was carried out to find out

how long people had to wait (during rush hours). This

averaged out at 70 sec, more than twice the 32 sec estab-

lished by Johnson (Ref?), before people get impacient

(sp?). From this we calculated we would need 3 or 4 pas-

senger elevators.

2. At first it seemed we would be forced to include a full-

size freight elevator in our plan. Two companies (which?)

both carry large but light displays up to their floors, but

both later agreed they could hinge them, and if they did

this they would need only 7 ft 6 in. width (maximum).

They also said they did not need a freight elevator all the

Figure 2-7 Part of the author’s first draft. Note that the author has not stopped to hunt up minor details. Several revisions were made between this first draft and the final product (see pages 173 to 176).

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Reading with a Plan Dan Skinner’s first reading should take him straight through the draft without stopping to make corrections, so he can gain an overall impres- sion of his report. Subsequent readings should be slower and more criti- cal, with Dan writing changes in as he goes along. As he reads he should check for clarity, correct tone and style, and technical and grammatical accuracy.

Checking for Clarity Checking for clarity means searching for passages that are vague or ambiguous. If the following paragraph remained uncorrected, it would confuse and annoy a reader:

Muddled When the owners were contacted on April 15, the assistant

Paragraph manager, Mr. Pierson, informed the engineer that they were

thinking of advertising Lot 36 for sale. He has however reiterat-

ed his inability to make a definite decision by requesting his

company to confirm their intentions with regard to buying the

land within two months, when his boss, Mr. Davidson, general

manager of the company, will have come back from a business

tour in Europe. This will be June 8.

The only facts you can be sure about are that the owners of the land were contacted on April 15 and the general manager will be returning on June 8. The important information about the possible sale of Lot 36 is confusing. The writer was probably trying to say something like this:

Revised The engineer spoke to the owners on April 15 to inquire

Paragraph if Lot 36 was for sale. He was informed by Mr. Pierson, the assis-

tant manager, that the company was thinking of selling the lot,

but that no decision would be made until after June 8, when

the general manager returns from a business tour in Europe. Mr.

Pierson suggested that the engineer submit a formal request to

purchase the land by that date.

The more complex the topic, the more important it is to write clear paragraphs. Although the paragraph below is quite technical, it would be generally understood even by nontechnical readers:

Clear A sound survey confirmed that the high noise level was caused

Paragraph mainly by the radar equipment blower motors, with a lesser con-

tribution from the air-conditioning equipment. Tests showed

that with the radar equipment shut down the ambient noise

level at the microphone positions dropped by 10 dB, whereas

with the air-conditioning equipment shut down the noise level

dropped by 2.5 dB. General clatter and impact noise caused by

the movement of furniture and personnel also contributed to

the noisy working conditions, but could not be measured other

than as sudden sporadic peaks of 2 to 5 dB.

16 Chapter 2

Read all the way

through without a pen

in your hand

Confusing!

Clear!

Technical, but still clear

ISBN :0-536-45204-0

This writer has made sure that

● the topic is clearly stated in the first sentence (the topic sentence), ● the topic is developed adequately by the remaining sentences, and ● no sentence contains information that does not substantiate the

topic.

If any paragraph meets these basic requirements, its writer can feel rea- sonably sure the message has been conveyed clearly.

Writers who know their subject thoroughly may find it difficult to identify paragraphs that contain ambiguities. A passage that is clear to them may be meaningless or offer alternative interpretations to a reader unfamiliar with the subject. For example:

Our examination indicates that the receiver requires both repair and recalibration,

whereas the transmitter needs recalibration only, and the modulator requires the

same.

This sentence plants a question in the reader’s mind: Does the modulator require both repair and recalibration, or only recalibration? The techni- cian who wrote it knows, because he has been working on the equipment, but readers will never know unless they write, phone, or email the techni- cian. The technician could have clarified the message by rearranging the information:

Our examination indicates that the receiver requires both repair and recalibration,

whereas the transmitter and modulator need only recalibration.

Sometimes ambiguities are so well buried they are surprisingly diffi- cult to identify, as in this excerpt from a chief draftsperson’s report to a department head:

The drafting section will need three Nabuchi Model 700 CAD computers. The cur-

rent price is $3175 and the supplier has indicated his quotation is “firm” for three

months. We should therefore budget accordingly.

The department head took the message at face value and inserted $3175 for CAD computers into the budget. But two months later the company received an invoice for $9525. Unable by then to return two of the three computers, the department head had to overshoot his budget by $6350. This financial mismanagement was caused by the chief draftsperson, who had omitted to insert the word “each” immediately after “$3175.”

Although many ambiguities can be sorted out by simple deduction, a reader should not have to interpret a writer’s intentions. It’s the writer’s job to make reading a document as easy and stress-free as possible, by eliminating confusing statements and alternative meanings.

A Technical Person’s Approach to Writing 17

Muddled writing

Clear writing

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Checking for Correct Tone and Style How do you know when your writing has the right tone? One of the most difficult aspects of technical writing is establishing a tone that is correct for the reader, suitable for the subject, and comfortable for you, the writer. If you know your subject well and have thoroughly researched your audi- ence, you will most likely write confidently and will often automatically establish the correct tone. But if you try to set a tone that does not feel nat- ural, or if you are a little uncertain about the subject and the reader, your reader will sense unsureness in your writing. And no matter how skillful- ly you edit your work, that hesitancy will show up in the final sentences and paragraphs.

Finding the Best Writing Level If Dan Skinner is writing on a specific aspect of a very technical topic, and knows that his reader is an engineer with a thorough grounding in the subject, he can use technical terms and abbreviations. Conversely, if he is writing on the same topic for a nontechnical reader who has little or no knowledge of the subject, Dan may have to write a simplified narrative rather than state specific details, explain technical terms, and generally write more informatively.

For example, when engineer Rita Corrigan wrote the following in a modification report, she knew her readers would be electronics techni- cians at radar-equipped airfields:

We modified the MTI by installing a K-59 double-decade circuit. This brightened

moving targets by 12% and reduced ground clutter by 23%.

But when Rita reported on the same subject to the airport manager, she wrote this:

We modified the radar set’s Moving Target Indicator by installing a special circuit

known as the K-59. This increased the brightness of responses from aircraft and

decreased returns from fixed objects on the ground.

For the airport manager Rita included more description and eliminated technical details that might not be meaningful. In their place she made a general statement that aircraft responses were “increased” and ground returns “decreased.” She also knew that the airport manager would be familiar with terms such as Moving Target Indicator, responses, and returns.

Now suppose that Rita also had to write to the local Chamber of Commerce to describe improvements to the airport’s air traffic control system. This time her readers would be entirely nontechnical, so she would have to avoid using any technical terms:

We have modified the airfield radar system to improve its performance, which has

helped us to differentiate more clearly between low-flying aircraft and high

objects on the ground.

18 Chapter 2

Keep coming back to

your readers: plant

yourself in their shoes

Adjust the level of writ-

ing to suit the reader

ISBN :0-536-45204-0

Keeping to the Subject Having established that he is writing at the correct level, Dan Skinner must now check that he has kept to the subject. He must take each para- graph and ask: Is this truly relevant? Is it direct? And is it to the point?

If Dan prepared his outline using the method described earlier, and fol- lowed it closely as he wrote his report, he can be reasonably sure that most of his writing is relevant. To check that his subject development follows his planned theme, he should identify the topic sentences of key para- graphs and check them against the headings in his outline. If the topic sen- tences follow the outline, he has kept to the main theme; if they tend to diverge from the outline, or if he has difficulty identifying them, he should read the paragraphs carefully to see whether they need to be rewritten or even eliminated. (For more information about topic sentences, see Chap- ter 12.)

Technical writing should always be as direct and specific as possible. Technical writers should convey just enough information for their readers to understand the subject thoroughly. Technical writing, unlike literary writing, has no room for details that are not essential to the main theme. This is readily apparent in the following descriptions of the same equip- ment.

Literary The new cabinet has a rough-textured dove gray finish that

Description reflects the sun’s rays in varying hues. Contrary to most instru-

ments of this type, its controls are grouped artistically in one

corner, where the deep black of the knobs provides an interest-

ing contrast with the soft gray and white background. A cover

plate, hardly noticeable to the layperson’s inexperienced eye,

conceals a cluster of unsightly adjustment screws that would

otherwise mar the overall appearance of the cabinet and would

nullify the esthetic appeal of its surprisingly effective design.

Technical The gray cabinet is functional, with the operator’s controls

Description grouped at the top right-hand corner where they can be

grasped easily with one hand. Subsidiary controls and adjust-

ment screws used by the maintenance crews are grouped at the

bottom left-hand corner, where they are hidden by a hinged

cover plate.

A technical description concentrates on details that are important to the reader (it tells where the controls are and why they have been so placed), and so maintains an efficient, businesslike tone.

Using Simple Words A writer who uses unnecessary superlatives sets an unnaturally pompous tone. The engineer who writes that a design “contains ultrasophisticated circuitry” seems to be justifying the importance and complexity of his or her work instead of just saying that the design has a very complex circuit. The supervisor who recommends that technician Johannes Schmitt be

A Technical Person’s Approach to Writing 19

Technical writing is func-

tional writing

Don’t use a 90-cent

word when an equally

suitable 25-cent word

exists

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“given an increase in remuneration” may be understood by the company controller but will only be considered pompous by Johannes. If the super- visor had written that Johannes should be “given a raise,” both would have understood him. Unnecessary use of big words, when smaller, more generally recognized and equally effective synonyms are available, clouds technical writing and destroys the smooth flow that such writing demands.

Removing “Fat” During the reading stage Dan should be critical of sentences and para- graphs that seem to contain too many words. He should check that he has not inserted words of low information content; that is, phrases and expressions that add little or no information. Their removal, or replace- ment by simpler, more descriptive words, can tighten up a sentence and add to its clarity. Low-information-content words and phrases are often hard to identify because the sentences in which they appear seem to be sat- isfactory. Consider this sentence:

For your information, we have tested your spectrum analyzer and are of the opin-

ion that it needs calibration.

The expressions “for your information” and “are of the opinion that” are words of low information content. The first can be deleted, and the second replaced by “consider,” so that the sentence now reads:

We have tested your spectrum analyzer and consider it needs calibration.

The same applies to this sentence:

If you require further information, please feel free to telephone Mr. Thompson at

489-9039.

The phrase “if you require,” although not wrong, could be replaced by the single word “for”; but “please feel free to” is archaic and should be elim- inated. The result:

For further information please telephone Mr. Thompson at 489-9039.

See Tables 12-2 and 12-3 in Chapter 12, which contain lists of low-infor- mation-content words and wordy expressions.

Inadvertent repetition of information can also contribute to excessive length. For example, Dan may write:

We tested the modem to check its compatibility with the server. After completing

the modem tests we transmitted messages at low, medium, and high baud rates.

The results of the transmission tests showed…

If he deletes the repeated words in sentence 2 (“After completing the modem tests”) and sentence 3 (“…of the transmission tests…”), the result is a much tighter paragraph.

We tested the modem to check its compatibility with the server, and then trans-

mitted messages at low, medium, and high baud rates. The results showed…

20 Chapter 2

Weed out unnecessary

expressions

ISBN :0-536-45204-0

Checking for Accuracy Nothing annoys readers more than to discover that they have been given inaccurate information (particularly if they have been using the informa- tion before they discover the error). Readers of Dan’s report assume that he knows his facts and has checked that they have been correctly tran- scribed into the report. Discovering even a single technical error in his report can undermine Dan’s credibility in their minds.

There is no way to prevent some errors from occurring when copying quantities and details from one document to another. Therefore, Dan must carefully check that he copies all facts, figures, equations, quantities, and extracts from other documents correctly.

Checking for accuracy also means ensuring that grammar, punctua- tion, and spelling have not been overlooked. Dan must check spelling with care, because his familiarity with the subject may blind him to obvious errors. (How many of us have inadvertently written “their” when we intended to write “there”? And “too” when we meant “two”?)

Dan has to recognize that spell-check programs are not 100% reliable. He may use a word—particularly a technical word—that is not in the spell-checker’s memory, or he may type in a word inaccurately and inad- vertently form another word that the spell-checker recognizes. For exam- ple, if he typed in “departure” when he meant to type in “department,” the spell-checker would not recognize it as an error. (Neither would it flag “their” and “too” as errors.) A spell-check program can not comprehend the context of the words; it simply examines each word and compares it to its master list. If it finds a “match,” it takes no action; if it does not find a match, it highlights the word and sometimes also emits an audible warning.

Revising Your Own Words We recommend that Dan print out his report and read and revise it on paper rather than on his computer screen. Our experience, and also that of many report writers, is that you catch many more typographical errors that way. We suggest that Dan mark up a hard copy of his report and then, as a separate step, transfer the changes to the online document.

As he reads, Dan should continually ask himself five questions:

1. Can my readers understand me? Will the person I am writing for be able to read my report all the way through without getting lost? What about other readers who might also see my report? Will they understand it?

2. Is the focus right? Is my report reader-oriented? Are the important points clearly visible?

A Technical Person’s Approach to Writing 21

Maintain top-level

quality control

Be wary when using

spell-check programs

Proofread on hard copy

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Have I summarized the main points in an opening statement that the reader will see right away?

3. Is my information correct? Is it accurate? Is it complete? Is all of it necessary?

4. Is my language good? Is it clear, definite, and unambiguous? Are there any grammatical, punctuation, or spelling errors? Does every paragraph have a topic sentence (preferably at the start of the paragraph)? Have I used any big, “overblown” words where simpler words would do a better job? Are there any low-information-content words and phrases?

5. Have I kept my report as short as possible while still meeting my read- ers’ needs and covering the topic adequately?

By now Dan’s draft should be in good shape and any further reading and revising will be final polishing. The amount will depend on the impor- tance of the report. If his report is for limited or in-company distribution, a standard-quality job will normally suffice. But if the report is to be dis- tributed outside the company, or submitted to an important client, Dan will spend as much time as necessary to ensure that it conveys a good image of both him and his employer.

Dan Skinner will now be able to issue his report with confidence, knowing that he has fashioned a good product. The approach described here will not have made report writing a simple task for him, but it will have helped him through the difficult conceptual stages, and helped him to read and revise more efficiently. When he writes his next report, he will be less likely to put it off until it is so late that he has to do a rush job.

22 Chapter 2

Make yourself a check-

list, then use it!

ISBN :0-536-45204-0

A Technical Person’s Approach to Writing 23

Exercise 2.1

Describe why the “pyramid” method of writing will help you become a better presenter of information.

Exercise 2.2

Which do you feel is the better way for you to develop an outline for a report: the organized method or the “random” method? Explain why.

Exercise 2.3

(a) What are the seven stages advocated for planning a report? (b) Which is the most important stage? Explain why. (c) Must the stages be followed exactly in the sequence listed?

Exercise 2.4

If several people are likely to read a report, how would you identify which one is your primary reader?

Exercise 2.5

Is it better to write a report without stopping to “clean up” the con- struction along the way, or to write a page at a time and edit that page before going on to the next? Explain why.

Exercise 2.6

What two factors will help you write more confidently, and probably help you set the right tone?

Exercise 2.7

From the list of five main questions that you, as a writer, should ask yourself during the revision stage (see the boldface questions on pages 21–22), which do you think is the most important? Explain why.

A S S I G N M E N T S

Be comfortable with

your writing method

Keep referring back to

the reader

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Chapter 3

Letters, Memos, and Emails

When you write a personal letter to a friend or relative, you probably don’t worry whether your letter is too long or contains too much infor- mation. You assume your reader will be pleased to hear from you, so you launch into a general discourse, inserting comments and items of general news without concerning yourself very much about organization.

But when you write a business letter you have to be disciplined. Your readers are busy people who want only the details that concern them. Information they do not need irks them. For these people your letters must be focused, well planned, brief, and clear.

Using the Pyramid Anna King, technical editor at H. L. Winman and Associates, teaches the technical staff at the firm what she refers to as the Pyramid Method of Writing. She finds this technique valuable because it helps the staff visual- ize their documents. Figure 3-1 shows what the basic pyramid looks like. You can see that only so much information can fit into the top part of the pyramid and is followed by the supporting details and facts. The pyramid helps you focus your information so your readers will know right away why you are writing to them.

Identifying the Main Message If you write your letters pyramid-style, you will automatically focus the reader’s attention on your main message. Before you place your fingers on the keyboard, fix clearly in your mind why you are writing and what you most want your reader to know. Then focus on this information by pla- cing it right up front, where it will be seen immediately.

If you begin a letter with background information rather than the main point, your reader will wonder why you are writing until he or she has read well into the letter. Don McKelvey’s letter to Jim Connaught is a typical example of an unfocused letter.

How to Write Business

Letters That Get Results

www.bly.com/

Pages/documents/

File136.doc

Well-known copywriter

Robert W. Bly provides

valuable advice about

writing correspondence.

“Failure to get to the

point, technical jargon,

pompous language, mis-

reading the reader—

these are the poor sty-

listic habits that cause

others to ignore the let-

ters we send.”

Readers want to know

right away what you

most need to tell them

ISBN :0-536-45204-0

Dear Mr. Connaught:

I refer to our purchase order No. 21438 dated April 26, 2004, for a Vancourt micro-

copier model 3000, which was installed on May 14. During tests following its installa-

tion your technician discovered that some components had been damaged in transit.

He ordered replacements and in a letter dated May 20 informed me that they would

be shipped to us on May 27 and that he would return here to install them shortly

thereafter.

It is now June 10, and I have neither received the parts nor heard from your techni-

cian. I would like to know when the replacement parts will be installed and when we

can expect to use the microcopier.

Sincerely,

Don McKelvey

Jim had to read more than 70 words before he discovered what Don wanted him to do. If Don had written pyramid-style, starting with a main message, Jim would have known immediately why he was reading the letter:

Dear Mr. Connaught:

We are still unable to use the Vancourt 3000 microcopier we purchased from you on

April 26, 2004. Please inform me when I can expect it to be in service.

And placing the main message up front would have helped Don write a shorter explanation that would have been simpler to follow:

The microcopier was ordered on P.O. 21438 and installed on May 14. During tests,

your technician discovered that some components had been damaged in transit. He

ordered replacements, then in a letter dated May 20 informed me that they would be

shipped to us on May 27, and that he would return here to install them. To date, I

have neither received the parts nor heard from your technician.

Sincerely,

Don McKelvey

Unfortunately, knowing you should open every letter with a main message is not enough. You also need to know how to find exactly the right words to put at the top of the pyramid. And that is where many tech- nical people have trouble.

Getting Started To overcome this block, try using another technique recommended by Anna King. She suggests that when you start a letter, first write these six words:

I want to tell you that…

Letters, Memos, and Emails 25

Readers don’t want to

plough through para-

graphs of background

information before they

encounter your main

message

This proven technique

will never fail you!

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And then finish the sentence with what you most want to tell your reader. For example:

Dear Ms. Reynaud:

I want to tell you that…the environmental data you submitted to us on October 8 will

have to be substantiated if it is to be included with the Labrador study.

Then, when your sentence is complete, delete the first six words (the I want to tell you that… expression). What you have left will be a focused opening statement:

Dear Ms. Reynaud:

The environmental data you submitted to us on October 8 will have to be substan-

tiated if it is to be included with the Labrador study.

Often you can use an opening statement formed in this way just as it stands when you remove the six “hidden” words. At other times, how- ever, you may feel the opening statement seems a bit abrupt. If so, you can soften it by inserting a few additional words. For example, in the letter to Ms. Reynaud, you might want to add the expression “I regret that…”:

Dear Ms. Reynaud:

I regret that the environmental data you submitted to us on October 8 will have to be

substantiated if it is to be included with the Labrador study.

Figure 3-1 depicts this convenient way of starting a letter and concurrent- ly creating a main message. It also shows that in business letters the main message is more often referred to as the Summary Statement.

26 Chapter 3

I want to tell you that…

Summary Statement (Main Message)

The Full Development

Supporting Details

Figure 3-1 Creating a letter’s summary statement.

The writer’s pyramid

helps draw attention to

the most important

information

ISBN :0-536-45204-0

Here are three more examples of properly formed Summary Statements:

Dear Colonel Watson:

We will complete the XRS modification on June 14, eight days earlier than scheduled.

Dear Ms. Mohammed:

Your excellent paper “Export Engineering” arrived just in time to be included in the

program for the Pacific Rim Conference.

Dear Mr. Voorman:

Seven defective castings were found in shipment No. 308.

(You can check that I want to tell you that… was used to form these three opening sentences by mentally inserting the six hidden words at the start of each sentence.)

Avoiding False Starts If you do not use the six hidden words to start a letter, you may inadver- tently open with an awkwardly constructed sentence that seems to be going nowhere. For example:

Dear Mr. Corvenne:

In answer to your enquiry of December 7 concerning erroneous read-outs you are

experiencing with your Mark 17 Analyzer, and our subsequent telephone conversation

of December 18, during which we tried to pinpoint the fault, we have conducted an

examination into your problem.

Anna King refers to a long, rambling opening like this as “spinning your wheels,” because such a sentence does not come to grips with the topic early enough. She has prepared a list of expressions (see Figure 3-2) that can easily cause you to write complicated, unfocused openings. In their place she recommends starting with the I want to tell you that… expres- sion, which will help you focus your reader’s attention on the main mes- sage. If the letter referring to the Mark 17 Analyzer had started this way, it would have been much more direct:

Dear Mr. Corvenne:

(I want to tell you that…) The problem with your Mark 17 Analyzer seems to be in

the extrapolator circuit. Following your enquiry of December 7 and your subsequent

description of erroneous read-outs, we examined… (etc.).

Planning the Letter Once you have identified and written the main message, your next step is to select, sort, and arrange the remaining information you want to convey

Letters, Memos, and Emails 27

This technique is similar

to the newspaper-style

of writing

A “dragged out” start

A direct start

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to your reader. This information should amplify the message you have already presented in the Summary Statement and provide evidence of its validity. For example, when Paul Shumeier wrote the following Summary Statement, he realized he would be presenting his reader with costly news:

Dear Mr. Larsen:

Tests of the environmental monitoring station at Wickens Peak show that 60% of the

instruments need to be repaired and recalibrated at a cost of $7265.

He also realized that Mr. Larsen would expect the remainder of the letter to tell him why the repairs were necessary, exactly what needed to be done, and how Paul had derived the total cost. To provide this informa-

28 Chapter 3

When You Write A Letter…

Never start with a word that ends in “ing”:

Referring…

Replying…

Never start with a phrase that ends with the preposition “to”:

With reference to…

In answer to…

Pursuant to…

Due to…

Never start with a redundant expression:

I am writing…

For your information…

This is to inform you…

The purpose of this letter is…

We have received your letter…

Enclosed please find…

Attached herewith…

IN OTHER WORDS…

Don’t Spin Your Wheels!

Figure 3-2 Anna King’s suggestion to H. L. Winman engineers.

Try inserting I want to

tell you that… in front

of these openings: it

doesn’t work!

Strategies for Writing

Persuasive Letters

www.washburn.

edu/services/zzcwwctr/

persuasive_menu.html

This step-by-step guide

covers the purpose of

the persuasive letter,

prewriting questions for

the writer, writing

strategies, and revision

tips.

ISBN :0-536-45204-0

tion, Paul first had to identify which questions would be foremost in Mr. Larsen’s mind after he had read the Summary Statement. This meant ask- ing himself six questions, all based on Who?, Where?, When?, Why?, What? and How?:

Who (was involved)? Where (did this happen)? When (did this happen)? Why (are the repairs necessary)? What (repairs are needed)? How (were the costs calculated)?

To insert the answers to these questions into his letter, Paul now had to open up the lower part of the writer’s pyramid. This becomes the Full Development (or supporting details) shown in Figure 3-1.

Opening Up the Pyramid To help Paul—and you—organize a letter’s Full Development, the lower part of the pyramid is divided into three compartments known as the Background, Facts, and Outcome (see Figure 3-3).

The Background covers what has happened previously, who was involved, where and when the event occurred or the facts were gathered and, sometimes, for whom the work was done. Paul wrote:

Our electronics technicians examined the Wickens Peak Monitoring station on

May 16 and 17, in response to your May 10 request to Patrick Friesen.

Letters, Memos, and Emails 29

Six questions: six

answers. The answers

provide the facts, form

the body of a letter

A well-developed

Background section

leads into direct, uncom-

plicated details

The main message

The circumstances leading up to the situation described in the letter

All the details the reader needs to understand what the letter is about

The main result(s)

Summary Statement

Background

Facts

Outcome

Figure 3-3 Basic writing plan for an informative business letter, interoffice memo, or email.

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The Facts amplify the main message. They provide specific details the reader needs to fully understand the situation or to be convinced of the need to take further action. Here, Paul wrote:

Most of the damage was caused by a tree northwest of the site that fell onto the

station during a storm on April 23 and damaged parts of the roof and north and

west walls. Instruments along these walls were impact-damaged and then soaked

by rain. Other instruments in the station were affected by moisture.

Major repairs and recalibration are required for the 16 instruments listed in

attachment 1, which describes the damage and estimated repair cost for each

instrument. This work will be done at our Shepperton repair depot for a total cost

of $4485. Minor repairs, which can be performed on site, are necessary for the 27

instruments listed in attachment 2. These on-site repairs will cost $2780.

These two paragraphs clearly answer the Why?, What?, and How? ques- tions. Note that, rather than clutter the middle of his letter with a long list, Paul placed the details in two attachments and summarized only the main points in the body of his letter. (The attachments are not shown here.)

The Outcome describes the result or any effect the facts have had or will have. If the letter is purely informative and the reader is not expected to take any action, the Outcome simply sums up the main result. Paul would have written:

I have obtained Ms. Korton’s approval to perform the repairs and a crew was sent in

on May 23. They should complete their work by May 31.

Sincerely,

Paul Shumeier

30 Chapter 3

Use attachments to sim-

plify a letter

FROM: Kevin Toshak <K.Toshak@macro.com>

TO: Tina Mactiere <T.Mactiere@macro.com>

SENT: Thursday, October 22, 2003

SUBJECT: Monitor Installation at WRC

I have installed a TL-680 monitor unit in room 215 at the Wollaston Research

Center, as instructed in your memorandum of October 15.

The unit was installed without major difficulties, although I had to modify the

equipment rack to accept it as illustrated in the attached sketch. Post-installation

tests showed that the unit was accepting signals from both the control center and

the remote site.

MACRO ENGINEERING INC. 600 Deepdale Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85007

Figure 3-4 An informative email.

Persuasive

Communications: Using

You-Attitude and Reader

Benefit

www.washburn.

edu/services/zzcwwctr/

you-attitude.txt

Receivers of communica-

tions are usually more

concerned about them-

selves than about the

writer or the company

that person represents.

This article describes

how to use the “you-

attitude” and show

reader benefit in your

persuasive communica-

tion.

ISBN :0-536-45204-0

But if the reader is expected to take some action, or approve some- body else taking action (often, the letter writer), then the Outcome becomes a request for action. Because Paul wanted an answer, he wrote:

If these repair costs are acceptable, please telephone, fax, or email your approval so I

can send in our repair crew.

Sincerely,

Paul Shumeier

These three parts can help you arrange the Full Development of any let- ter, memo, or email into a logical, coherent structure. Before starting, how- ever, you have to decide whether you are writing to inform or persuade.

Writing to Inform Normally, letters and memos that purely inform, with no response or action required from the reader, can be organized around the basic Summary Statement-Background-Facts-Outcome writing plan shown in Figure 3-3. Kevin Toshak’s email to Tina Mactiere, in Figure 3-4, falls into this category.

Another example is a confirmation letter, in which the writer confirms previously made arrangements. In the following Macro Engineering Inc. memorandum, general manager Wayne Robertson ensures that he and chief buyer Christine Lamont both understand the arrangements that will evolve from a decision made at a company meeting:

Christine:

Statement I am confirming that you will represent both Macro Engineering

Summary Inc. and H. L. Winman and Associates at the Materials Handling

conference in Houston on May 15 and 16, 2004, as agreed at

Background the Planning Meeting on March 23. At the conference you will

Facts • take part in a panel discussion on packaging electronic

equipment from 10:00 to 11:15 a.m. on May 15, and

• host a wine-and-cheese reception for delegates from 5:00

to 7:00 p.m. on May 16.

Janet Kominsky is making your travel and hotel reservations,

and the catering arrangements for the reception. Anna King will

provide brochures from Cleveland, and my secretary will make

up packages for you to distribute.

Outcome I’ll brief you on other details before you leave.

Wayne

Although the basic writing plan for letters has four compartments (see Figure 3-3), you do not have to write exactly four paragraphs. As both Wayne’s and Kevin’s memos show, you may combine two compartments

Letters, Memos, and Emails 31

Write an Action

Statement if you want

your reader to act or

react

An informative letter

tells the reader what

has been done or what

has to be done…

…it doesn’t expect the

reader to respond

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into a single paragraph, or let one compartment be represented by several paragraphs. When you first use the Pyramid you’ll find yourself writing separate paragraphs for each compartment, but as you become more com- fortable with this method you’ll understand that keeping the compart- ments in the correct order is the most important concept.

Writing to Persuade In a persuasive letter you expect your reader either to respond to your let- ter or to take some form of action. Consequently, the writing plan’s Outcome compartment is renamed Action, as shown in Figure 3-5, to remind you to end a persuasive letter with an action statement. A request and a complaint are typical examples of persuasive letters, and so is the informal proposal described in Chapter 7.

Making a Request Many technical people claim that placing the message at the start of a let- ter is not a problem until they either have to ask for something or to give the reader bad news. They then tend to lead gently up to the request or unhappy information.

Bill Kostash is no exception. He is service manager for Mechanical Maintenance Systems Inc., and he has to write to customers to ask if they will accept a change in the preventive maintenance contracts his company has with them. He starts by writing to Ms. Bea Nguyen, the contracts administrator for Multiple Industries in St. Cloud, Minnesota:

32 Chapter 3

A persuasive letter sells

the reader to take some

form of action

The main action that needs to be taken, and the primary reason for it

Circumstances leading up to or events affecting the situation

A detailed description of what is being requested or needs to be done

A request for action or approval

Summary Statement

Background

Facts

Outcome/Action

Figure 3-5 Writing plan for a persuasive letter, memo, or email.

Except for the

Outcome/Action com-

partment, tell and sell

writing plans are similar

Many writers hesitate to

open with a request

ISBN :0-536-45204-0

June 18, 2003

Dear Ms. Nguyen:

I am writing with reference to our contract with you for the preventive maintenance

services we provide on your RotoMat extruders and shapers. Under the terms of the

current contract (No. RE208) dated January 2, 2003, we are required to perform

monthly inspection and maintenance “…on the 15th day of each month or, if the

15th falls on a weekend or holiday, on the first working day thereafter.”

(Bill is off to a bad start. Instead of opening with a Summary Statement he has inserted all the background details first, so Bea Nguyen does not yet know why he has written to her. He has also opened with one of the expressions Anna King lists as an awkward start in Figure 3-2. Let’s see how he continues.)

Our problem is that almost all of our clients ask that we perform their maintenance

service between the 5th and 25th of each month, to avoid their end-of-month peak

accounting periods. This in turn created difficulties for us, in that our service techni-

cians experience a peak workload for 20 days and then have virtually no work for 10

days.

(Bea Nguyen still does not know why he is writing.)

Consequently, to even out our workload, I am requesting your approval to shift our

inspection date from the 15th to the 29th of each month. If you agree to my request,

I will send our technician in to service your machine on June 29—a second time this

month—rather than create a six-week period between the June and July inspections.

Could you let me know by June 25 if this change of date is acceptable?

Sincerely,

William J. Kostash

(Now Bea knows why Bill has written to her—but she had to read a long way to find out. And she probably had to reread his letter to fully under- stand the details.)

If Bill had used the writing plan in Figure 3-5 to shape his letter, his request would have been much more effective. The revised letter is shown in Figure 3-6, which

contains his Summary Statement (he states his request and what the effect will be),

contains the Background (the contract details),

contains the Facts (it describes the problem), and

contains the Action statement, in which he mentions two actions: what he wants Bea to do (to call him) and what he will do (schedule a second visit).

Letters, Memos, and Emails 33

An unfocused, meander-

ing request letter

Writing with a plan cre-

ates a coherent request

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Registering a Complaint The approach is the same if you have to write a letter of complaint or ask for an adjustment. The third compartment is relabeled as shown in Figure 3-7.

34 Chapter 3

Mechanical Maintenance Systems Inc. 2120 Cordoba Avenue

St. Paul, Minnesota 55307

June 18, 2004

Ms. Bea Nguyen

Contracts Administrator

Multiple Industries Inc.—Manufacturing Division

18 Commodore Bay

St. Cloud, MN 54018

Dear Ms. Nguyen:

I am requesting your approval to change the date of our monthly preventive

maintenance visits to service your RotoMat extruders and shapers to the

29th of each month. This will help spread my technicians’ workload more

evenly and so provide you with better service.

Our contract with you is No. RE208 dated January 2, 2004, and it requires that

we perform a monthly inspection and maintenance on the 15th day of each

month. Unfortunately, almost all of our clients ask that we perform their

maintenance service between the 5th and the 25th. This creates a problem

for us in that our service technicians experience a peak workload for 20 days

and then have very little work for 10 days.

Could you let me know by June 25 if you can accept the change? Then I will

send a technician to your plant on June 29 for a second visit this month,

rather than create a six-week space between the June and July inspections.

Sincerely,

William J. Kostash

Service Manager

A focused, definite,

direct request

Figure 3-6 A request letter written pyramid-style.

ISBN :0-536-45204-0

Letters, Memos, and Emails 35

The parts of the complaint letter shown in Figure 3-7 are identified in Suzanne’s letter in Figure 3-8 on page 36, with circled numbers. The cor- responding comments are listed here:

In the Summary, it is often better to generalize what action is need- ed and then later, in the Action compartment, state exactly what has to be done.

If there are only a few Background facts, you may combine them with either the Summary Statement or the Complaint Details rather than place them in a very short paragraph by themselves.

In the Complaint Details, describe in chronological order what happened so the reader will understand the reason for your com- plaint or request for adjustment.

The Action Statement must be strong and confident and specifically identify what action you want the reader to take, or in some cases, what action you will take.

Responding to a Complaint You may need to answer a complaint someone has written. It is easier when you agree with the complaint and can perform the requested action. This will be a much shorter response than if you don’t agree with the com- plaint, because you don’t have to go into as much detail about why you are agreeing. However, if you disagree with the complaint your response is more difficult to write and you have to be sure to provide a detailed description of why you cannot act as requested. Figure 3-9 shows the pyramid for responding both positively and negatively to complaints.

State the problem and what you want the reader to do about it

Identify the circumstances leading up to the event, quoting specific details of who, where, when, and sometimes why

Describe exactly what happened

Explain what action you want the reader to take or what action you will take

Background

Summary

Complaint Details

Action

Figure 3-7 Writing plan for a complaint letter.

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36 Chapter 3

Figure 3-8 A complaint letter written pyramid-style.

RGI Video Productions 316 St. Mary’s Road Brighton, NY 14639

November 12, 2003

Mr. Bruyere

Sales Manager

Professional Image Business Equipment

Suite 100

1675 Mattingly Drive

Brighton, NY 14639

Dear Mr. Bruyere:

The Nabuchi 700 portable computer you recently sold me had a defective

lithium-ion battery that had to be replaced while I was in Europe.

Consequently I am requesting reimbursement of the expenses I incurred to

replace the battery.

I bought the computer and a Nabuchi 701PC international power converter

from your Willows Mall store on September 4, 2003. (See attached sales

invoice No. 14206A.)

The computer worked satisfactorily for the first six weeks, but during that

time I had no occasion to use it solely on battery power.

On October 25 I left for Europe, first giving the batteries an 18-hour charge

as recommended in the operating instructions. While using the computer in

flight, after only 35 minutes the low-battery lamp lit up and the screen

warned of imminent failure. I recharged the batteries the following day, in

Rheims, France, but achieved less than 25 minutes of operating time before

the batteries again became fully discharged.

As the Nabuchi line is neither sold nor serviced in France, I had to buy and

install a replacement lithium-ion battery (a Mercurio Z7S), which has since

worked fine. I have enclosed the defective battery, plus a copy of the sales

receipt for the replacement battery I purchased from Lestrange Limitée,

Rheims.

Please send me a check for $244.30, which at the current rate of exchange is

the US equivalent of the 1190 francs shown on the sales receipt.

Sincerely,

Suzanne Dumont, P.E.

enc 3

…offer the

details,…

…and end with a

firm Action

Statement

Set the scene

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Creating a Confident Image Readers react positively to letters, memos, and emails in which the writer conveys an image of a confident person who knows the subject well and has a firm idea of what he or she plans to do, or expects the reader to do. Such an image is conveyed by both the quality of the writing and the phys- ical appearance of the piece of correspondence.

Be Brief For technical business correspondence, brevity means writing short letters, short paragraphs, short sentences, and short words.

Short Letters A business reader will tend to react readily to a short letter, viewing its writer as an efficient provider of information. In contrast, the same reader may view a long letter as “heavy going” (even before reading it) and tend to put it aside to deal with it later. A short letter introduces its topic quickly, discusses it in sufficient depth, and then closes with a con- cluding statement, its length dictated solely by the amount of information that needs to be conveyed.

We know of a company in which the managing director has ruled that no letter or memo may exceed one page. This is an effective way to encourage staff to be brief, and it works well for many people. But for let- ter writers who have more to say than they can squeeze onto a single page, that limitation can prove inhibiting. For them, we suggest borrowing a

Letters, Memos, and Emails 37

Sorry: we cannot agree with your complaint–briefly say why

Background to the complaint

Why we cannot agree with your complaint (a detailed explanation)

What action (if any) you can take

Background

Summary

Reason (Details)

Action Statement

Responding Negatively

Yes: we agree. We will correct the problem

Background to the complaint

Why we are agreeing with your complaint (very brief)

What action we will take

Responding Positively

Figure 3-9 Writing plan for responding to a complaint.

The key word here is

“short”

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technique from report writing. Instead of placing all their information in the letter, they should change the letter into a semiformal report and then summarize the highlights—particularly the purpose and the outcome— into a one-page letter placed at the front of the report (so that the report becomes an attachment to the letter, as depicted in Figure 3-10).

If you use this device, refer to the attachment in the body of the letter and insert a main conclusion drawn from it, as has been done here:

During the second week we measured sound levels at various locations in the pro-

duction area of the plant, at night, during the day, and on weekends. These read-

ings (see attachment) show that a maximum of 55 dB was recorded on weekdays,

and 49 dB on weekends. In both cases these peaks were recorded between 5 and

6 p.m.

Short Paragraphs Novelists can write long paragraphs because they assume they will have their readers’ attention, and their readers have the time and patience to make their way through leisurely descriptions. But in business and indus- try, readers are working against the clock and so want bite-size paragraphs of easy-to-digest information.

Let the first sentence of each paragraph introduce just one idea, then make sure that subsequent sentences in that paragraph develop the idea adequately and do not introduce any other ideas. In technical business writing the first sentence of each paragraph should be a “topic sentence,” so that the reader immediately knows your main idea. Consequently, a busy reader who skims your document by reading just the first sentence of

38 Chapter 3

Think of a paragraph as

a miniature pyramid

A short cover letter is

like an executive sum-

mary (see page 147)

Main Message (Summary Statement)

Details

AttachmentLetter

3 4

Figure 3-10 A short letter with attachments is an adaptation of the pyramid method of writing. An example can be seen in Figure 5-4 (page 108).

ISBN :0-536-45204-0

every paragraph will still gain a good understanding of the main points. Let the first sentence of each paragraph summarize the paragraph’s con- tents, and the remaining sentences support the first sentence by providing additional information:

We have tested your 15 Vancourt 801 CD-ROM drives and find that 11 require

repair and recalibration. Only minor repairs will be necessary for 6 of these drives,

which will be returned to you next week. Of the 5 remaining drives, 3 require

major repairs which will take approximately 20 days, and 2 are so badly damaged

that repairs will cost $180 each.

If an idea you are developing results in an overly long paragraph, try dividing the information into a short introductory paragraph and a series of subparagraphs, as has been done here:

My inspection of the monitoring station at Freedom Lake Narrows revealed three

areas requiring attention, two immediately and one within three months:

1. The water stage manometer is recording erratic readouts of water levels.

A replacement monitor needs to be flown in immediately so that the

existing unit can be returned to a repair depot for service.

2. The tubing to the bubble orifice is worn in several places and must be

replaced (90 feet of 1⁄2 inch tubing will be required). This work should be

done concurrently with the monitor replacement.

3. The shack’s asphalt roof is wearing and will need resurfacing before

freeze-up.

We are not suggesting that your letters should contain a series of small, evenly sized paragraphs. These would appear dull and stereotyped. Instead, paragraphs should vary from quite short to medium-long to give the reader variety. How you can adjust paragraph and sentence length to suit both reader and topic, and also to place emphasis correctly, is covered in Chapter 12.

Short Sentences If you write short, uncomplicated sentences, you help your readers quickly grasp and understand each thought. Sometimes expert literary writers can successfully build sentences that develop more than one thought, but such sentences are confusing and out of place in the business world. Compare these two examples of the same information:

Complicated There has been intermittent trouble with the vacuum pumps,

although the flow valves and meters seem to be recording nor-

mal output, and the 5 inch pipe to the storage tanks has twice

become clogged, causing backup in the system.

Clear There has been intermittent trouble with the vacuum pumps,

and twice the 5 inch pipe to the storage tank has become

clogged and caused backup in the system. The flow valves and

meters, however, seem to be recording normal output.

Letters, Memos, and Emails 39

Paragraphs that are

longer than eight or

nine printed lines are

too long

Convoluted sentences

create the impression

that their writer is

confused

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The first example is confusing because it jumps back and forth between what the trouble is and what is working normally. The second example is clear because it uses two sentences to express the two different thoughts.

Short Words Some engineers and engineering technicians feel that the technical environment in which they work and the complex topics they have to write about, demand that they use long, complex words in their corre- spondence. Similarly, some people feel that long words build credibility and respect for their position; the opposite is true. They write “an error of considerable magnitude was perpetrated,” rather than simply “we made a big mistake.” In so doing, they make a reader’s job unnecessarily difficult.

Because the engineering and scientific worlds encompass many long and complex terms that have to be used in their original form, make your correspondence more readable by surrounding such technical terms with simple words. Be aware, too, that in today’s global society, many of your readers may read and write English as a second language. Long words that are not in the average person’s vocabulary may cause confusion and mis- understanding. Chapter 12 has more information about writing for an international audience.

Be Clear A clear letter conveys information simply and effectively, so that the reader readily understands its message. Writing clearly demands ingenuity and attention to detail. As a writer you must consider not only how you write your letters, but also how you present them.

Create a Good Visual Impression The appearance of a letter tells much about the writer and the company he or she represents. If a letter is sloppily arranged or contains strikeovers, vis- ible erasures, or spelling errors, then its readers imagine a careless individ- ual working in a disorganized office. But if readers are presented with a neat letter, placed in the middle of the page and printed by a quality printer, then they imagine a well-organized individual working for a for- ward-thinking company noted for the quality of its service. Most people prefer to deal with the latter company and will read its correspondence first.

Develop the Subject Carefully The key to effective subject development is to present the material logi- cally, progressing gradually from a clear, understood point to one that is more complex. This means developing and consolidating each idea so the

40 Chapter 3

Clarity depends on

appearance as well as

clarity of expression

Short words are

especially important for

readers whose first

language is not English

ISBN :0-536-45204-0

reader can fully understand it before presenting the next idea. The sections on paragraph unity and coherence in Chapter 12 (see pages 332 and 333) provide examples of coherent paragraphs. Using the pyramid technique will also help you structure your information in a logical sequence.

Be Definite People who think better with their fingers on a keyboard or a pen in their hand sometimes make decisions as they write, producing indecisive letters that are irritating to read. These writers seem to examine and discard points without really grappling with the problem. By the time they have finished a letter, they have decided what they want to say, but it has been at the reader’s expense. We call this a “brain dump.”

Decision making does not come easily to many people. Those of us who hesitate before making a decision, who evaluate its implications from all possible angles and weigh its pros and cons, may allow our indecisive- ness to creep into our writing. We hedge a little, explain too much, or try to say how or why we reached a decision before we tell our reader what the decision is. This is particularly true when we have to tell readers some- thing unfavorable or contrary to their expectations.

As before, the key is to use the pyramid:

1. Decide exactly what you want to say (i.e. develop your main message), and then

2. Place the main message right up front (use I want to tell you that… to get started).

If you also write primarily in the active voice, you will sound even more decisive. Active verbs are strong, passive verbs are weak. For example:

For hints on how to use the active voice, see “Emphasis” in Chapter 12 (pages 339 to 341).

Close on a Strong Note You may feel you should always end a letter with a polite closing remark, such as: I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience,

Letters, Memos, and Emails 41

Know clearly what you

want to say before you

start writing

Write directly from per-

son to person, and name

the “doer”

These passive expressions

it was our considered opinion

it is recommended that

an investigation was made

the outage was caused by a defective

transmitter

Should be replaced with

we considered

I recommend

we investigated

a defective transmitter caused the outage

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or Thanking you in advance for your kind cooperation. In contemporary business correspondence—and particularly in technical correspondence— such closing statements are not only outdated but also weaken your impact on the reader. Today, you should close with a strong, definite state- ment.

The Outcome part of the letter provides a natural, positive close, as illustrated by the final sentences in the letter to Ms. Nguyen (Figure 3-6). You should resist the temptation to add a polite but uninformative and ineffective closing remark. Simply sign off with “Regards” or “Sincerely.”

Adopting a Pleasant Tone There is no quick and easy method to make your letters sound sincere, nor is there a checklist to tell you when you have imparted the right tone. Both qualities are extensions of your own personality that cannot be taught. They can only be shaped and sharpened through self-knowledge and which of your attributes you most need to develop.

To achieve the right tone, your correspondence should be simple and dignified, but still friendly. Approach your readers on a person-to-person basis, following the five suggestions below.

Know Your Reader If you have not identified your reader properly, you may have difficulty setting the correct tone. You need to know your reader’s level of technical knowledge and whether he or she is familiar with the topic you are describing. Without this focus you may seem condescending to a knowl- edgeable reader if you explain too much and use overly simple words when the reader clearly expects to read technical terms. Conversely, you may overwhelm a reader who has only limited technical knowledge, if you confront him or her with heavy technical details.

Ideally, you should select just the right terminology to hold the read- er’s interest and perhaps offer a mild challenge. By letting readers feel they are grasping some of the complexities of a subject (often by using analo- gies within their range of knowledge), you can present technical informa- tion to nontechnical readers without confusing or upsetting them.

Sometimes you will know the person you are writing to, and then you will probably find it much easier to adopt a pleasant tone. Be care- ful, though, not to make your correspondence too chatty or informal. In business and technical writing you should consistently sound profes- sional. You can never tell when your letter may be passed on to some- one else!

42 Chapter 3

Reminder: Know who

you are writing to!

ISBN :0-536-45204-0

Be Sincere At one time it was considered good manners not to permit one’s person- ality to creep into business correspondence. Today, business letters are much less formal and, as a result, much more effective.

Sincerity is the gift of making your readers feel that you are person- ally interested in them and their problems. You convey this by the words you use and the way you use them. A reader would be unlikely to believe you if you came straight out and said, “I am genuinely interested in your project.” The secret is to be so involved and interested in the subject that you automatically convey the ring of enthusiasm that would appear in your voice if you were talking about it.

Be Human Too many letters lack humanity. They are written from one company to another, without any indication that there is a human being at the sending end and another at the receiving end. The letters might just as well be sent from computer to computer.

Do not be afraid to use the personal pronouns, “I,” “you,” “he,” “she,” “we,” and “they.” Let your reader believe you are personally involved by using “I” or “we,” and that you know he or she is there by using “you.” Contrary to what many of us were told in school, letters may be started in the first person. If you know the reader personally, or you have corresponded with each other before, or if your topic is informal, let a personal flavor appear in your letters by using “I” and the reader’s first name:

Dear Ben:

I read your report with interest and agree with all but one of your conclusions.

If you do not know your reader personally and are writing formally as a representative of your company, then use the first person plural and the person’s last name:

Dear Mr. Wicks:

We read your report with interest and agree with all but one of your conclusions.

Avoid Words That Antagonize In writing, you only have one chance to explain your point. If your reader interprets your words differently from the way you had intended, you don’t have the opportunity to rephrase them. You also don’t have the variety of body language, voice inflection, or facial expressions that you do in face-to-face communication.

Letters, Memos, and Emails 43

Care about both your

topic and your reader

Let your presence be

apparent

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If you use words that imply that the reader is wrong, has not tried to understand, or has failed to make him- or herself understood, you immedi- ately place the reader on the defensive. For example, when field technician Des Tanski omitted sending motel receipts with his expense account, Andy Rittman (his supervisor) had to write to Des and ask for them. Andy wrote:

You have failed to include motel receipts with your expense account.

This antagonized Des, because the words you have failed seemed to imply that he is something of a failure! Andy should have written:

Please send motel receipts to support your expense account.

Other expressions that may annoy readers or put them on the defensive are listed in Table 3-1 below with a suggested way to make them more positive.

When a reader has to be corrected, the words you use should clear the air, not electrify it. Tell readers gently if they are wrong, and demonstrate why; reiterate your point of view in clear terms, to clarify any possibility of misunderstanding; or ask for further explanation of an ambiguous statement, refraining from pointing out that his or her writing is vague.

44 Chapter 3

Sentences containing Much more positive abrasive words sentences

1. Words that make a reader When completing your application you Your tax number needs to be included feel inadequate or guilty: neglected to include your tax number. on your application.

Clearly, you have not understood the Let me explain the implications in more implications. detail. We could not accept your bid because We could not accept your bid because you failed to submit a complete price proposal. it did not include a complete price proposal. You ought to know that staff working after It’s company policy that staff working after 11 p.m. have to be sent home by taxi. 11 p.m. be sent home by taxi. When rejecting the request you Before rejecting the request you needed to overlooked human rights legislation. consider human rights legislation.

2. Words that provoke and I am sure you will agree that our decision Please note that our decision is correct. so create resistance in a is correct. reader: We must insist that you return the form Please return the form by November 30.

by November 30. To ensure prompt payment we demand To ensure prompt payment please file your that you file your invoice within three invoice within three days of job completion. days of job completion. You must bring the application to room 117. Please bring the application to room 117. In your letter you claim that the In your letter you state that the food processor was incorrectly priced. food processor was incorrectly priced.

3. Words that imply the writer is We have to assume that you understand We assume that you understand the “talking down” to the reader: the problem. problem.

Undoubtedly you will be present at the hearings. We request that you attend the hearings. We simply do not understand how you Apparently you misinterpreted our misinterpreted our instructions. instructions. You must understand that we cannot reopen I regret we cannot reopen the file. the file. If you are applying for reassessment, then If you are applying for reassessment, I must request that you attend a preliminary then I request that you attend a hearing on October 5. preliminary hearing on October 5.

Be wary: you may

unknowingly upset or

antagonize your reader

Table 3-1 Expressions that may prove abrasive.

ISBN :0-536-45204-0

When your goal is to achieve some sort of action or response from the reader, using words that may antagonize will hinder communication. You can still be clear and direct without using these words, and you will find that you are more likely to get the result you expect.

Know When to Stop When a letter is short, you may feel it looks too bare and be tempted to add an extra sentence or two to give it greater weight. If you do, you may inad- vertently weaken the point you are trying to make. This is particularly true of short letters in which you have to apologize, to criticize, to say “thank you,” or to pay a compliment (i.e. to “pat the reader on the back”).

In all of these cases the key is to be brief: Know clearly what you want to say, say it, and then close the letter without repeating what you have already said. The following writer clearly did not know when to stop:

Dear Mr. Farjeon:

I want to say how very much we appreciated the kind help you provided in overcom-

ing a transducer problem we experienced last month. We have always received excel-

lent service from your organization in the past, so it was only natural that we should

turn to you again in our hour of need. The assistance you provided in helping us to

identify an improved transducer for phasing in our standby generator was overwhelm-

ing, and we would like to extend our heartfelt thanks to all concerned for their help.

Sincerely,

Paul Marchant

Paul’s letter would have been much more believable if he had simply said “thank you”:

Dear Mr. Farjeon:

Thank you for your prompt assistance last month in identifying an improved

transducer for phasing in our standby generator. Your help was very much appreciated.

Regards,

Paul Marchant

If a writer says too much when saying thank you or apologizing, the reader begins to doubt the writer’s sincerity. You cannot set a realistic tone if you overstate a sentiment or overwhelm your reader with the intensity of your feelings.

Using a Businesslike Format There are many opinions about what comprises the “correct” format for busi- ness correspondence. Most popular word-processing packages include tem- plates for writing business letters, memos, faxes, and proposals. Some are good and easy to use; others are less practicable. The examples illustrated here are those most frequently used by contemporary technical organizations.

Letters, Memos, and Emails 45

Simple words are much

more meaningful than

flowery expressions

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Letter Styles There are two letter formats: the full block and the modified block (see Figures 3-11 and 3-12). Full block is more widely used and is the format Anna King has adopted for H. L. Winman and Associates’ correspondence (see Figure 5-5 on page 110 and Figure 6-5 on page 154). Anna is also aware that letter styles are continually changing. Some companies now write dates in European style (e.g. day-month-year: “27 January 2004”), omit all punctuation from names and addresses (e.g. “Ms. Jayne K Tooke”), and use interoffice memos and email for informal correspon- dence.

The following comments apply to both the full block format (Figure 3-11) and the modified block format (Figure 3-12):

The Post Office now requests one space between the city and the state, and two spaces between the the state and the zip code. The state is always printed as two capital letters (e.g. “NY” for New York) and the zip code is on the same line as the state.

Today’s trend toward informality encourages writers to use first names in the salutation of the full block format: “Dear Jack.” However, in the more traditional modified block format the last name is often retained in the salutation: “Dear Mr. Sleigh.”

Subject lines should be informative (not just “Production Plan” or “Spectrum Analyzer”); they may be preceded by Subject:, Ref:, or Re:. They should be set in boldface type and not underlined. In the modified block format the subject line is centered.

The differences between the two formats are:

In the full block format every line starts at the left margin. In the modified block format the first word of each paragraph is indented.

In the modified block format, the date is set off to the right if a file number or reference is used. If there is no file number, the date starts at the centerline.

In the modified block format, the signature block starts at the centreline. Notice that in this example, the writer has signed “for” his manager.

46 Chapter 3

Most business letters in

North America are writ-

ten full-block style

ISBN :0-536-45204-0

Letters, Memos, and Emails 47

Xxxxxxxx Xxxx Xxxxxx

Figure 3-11 Full block letter format.

May 22, 2004

File: 270/1

Paul J. Griffin, President

Western Engines Company

5721 Cordova Street

Cleveland, OH 44104

Dear Paul:

Repairs to Analyzer HL 340, S/N 4876

We have found xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sincerely,

David R. Halliwell

Calibration Engineering

enc

Company

letterhead

File

reference

(if used)

Salutation

Subject line

(if used), set

in boldface

type

“enc” means

a document is

enclosed with

the letter

Full block conveys a

clean, purposeful, busi-

nesslike image

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48 Chapter 3

File: 43-M-10 November 27, 2004

Janet M Sleigh, Production Manager

H. D. Hart Inc.

27 Westdale Drive

Cleveland, OH 44104

Dear Ms. Sleigh:

Production Campaign for 2005

The targets predicted xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

x xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Regards,

Lynda Westholme

Sales Manager

Figure 3-12 Modified block letter format.

XXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXX

XXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXX

Company

letterhead

File

reference

(if used)

Salutation

Subject

line

(if used)

Letter

writer’s

signature

Modified block conveys

a more relaxed,

approachable image

ISBN :0-536-45204-0

Letters, Memos, and Emails 49

To: A. Rittman From: R. Davis

Date: December 3, 2004 Subject: Early Mailing of Paychecks for

Field Personnel

I need to know who you will have on field assignments during the week

before Christmas so that I can mail their paychecks early. Please provide

me with a list of names, plus their anticipated mailing addresses, by

December 8.

Checks will be mailed on Tuesday, December 14. I suggest you inform your

field staff of the proposed early mailing.

H. L. WINMAN AND ASSOCIATES

Figure 3-13 Interoffice memorandum.

INTER-OFFICE MEMORANDUM

Interoffice Memo The memo is an internal document normally written on a prepared form similar to that shown in Figure 3-13. Formats vary according to the pref- erence of individual companies, although the basic information at the head of the form is generally similar. Examples of memos appear through- out Chapters 3, 4, and 5. The following comments refer to the memo in Figure 3-13.

The informality of an interoffice memorandum means titles of individuals (such as Office Manager and Senior Project Engineer) may be omitted.

No salutation or identification is necessary. The writer can jump straight into the subject.

Paragraphs and sentences are developed properly. The informality of the memo is not an invitation to omit words so that sentences seem like extracts from telegrams.

The subject line should offer the reader some information; a sub- ject entry such as “Paychecks” would be insufficient.

The simplest of report-

ing mediums, the memo

is slowly being replaced

by email

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The writer’s initials are sufficient to finish the memorandum (although some organizations repeat the name in type beneath the initials). Some people prefer to write their initials beside their name on the “From” line, instead of signing at the foot of the memo.

Fax Cover Sheet Any document sent by facsimile machine is normally preceded by a single- page fax cover sheet that identifies both addressee and sender, and their contact information (see Figure 3-14). The cover sheet usually has a space for the sender to write a short explanatory note. A sender who has only a short message to send may write the message directly onto the fax cover sheet and then transmit just the single page.

50 Chapter 3

A fax cover sheet may

carry a message in addi-

tion to being a transmit-

tal document

John:

Our quotation for videotaping, editing, and dubbing onto vhs 1/2-in. video-

tape follows, as requested in your fax of September 4.

Trish

FAX To: John Reeman

Microprocessor Center Inc.

Fax No: 416-338-2191

From Trish Kaufman

Date: Sept 18, 2004

No. Pages (incl this sheet): 3

RGI Video Productions Division of

The Roning Group Inc. 316 St Mary’s Road

Batavia, NY 14020

USA

Fax: 716-343-7294

Tel: 716-343-6049

email: rgi@mailhub.mts.net

If there are problems with this transmission, call 716-343-6049

Figure 3-14 A cover sheet for facsimile (fax) transmissions.

ISBN :0-536-45204-0

Letters, Memos, and Emails 51

Writing Electronic Mail Electronic mail (email) has become one of the fastest and most widely used means of communication. The criterion for writing email remains the same as for all other forms of written communication: keep the message brief but clear. Never allow an overzealous desire for brevity to cloud your message, because it can cost more to question an obscure communication than it would have cost to write a slightly longer but clearer message in the first place. You want to avoid having your reader make a telephone call or email you to find out exactly what you were trying to say.

When Mike Toller in Columbus, Ohio, opened up a shipment of parts from Carlson Distributors, he found the order was incomplete and con- tained some items he had not ordered. He made a note of the deficiencies, sat at his keyboard, and typed in this message:

The fast new way to

communicate…

A Beginner’s Guide to

Effective Email

www.webfoot.com/

advice/email.top.html

This useful guide

includes an introduction

to email and a discus-

sion about why it differs

from ordinary cor-

respondence.

…needs just as much

care and attention

To: Carlson Distributors, St. Louis:

Your inv 216875 Oct 19, our P.O. W1634. Short-shipped

10 toolsets MKV, 4 801 sockets plus 2 doz mod 280A lathe bits unordered.

Advise.

M. Toller,

Crown Manufacturing, Columbus

In St. Louis, Chantal Goulet puzzled over the message on her com- puter screen, and then typed this brief reply:

To: M. Toller, Crown Manufacturing, Columbus

From: C. Goulet, Carlson Distributors, St. Louis

The message you sent regarding our invoice 216875 and your P.O. W1634

was difficult to understand. Please explain your concerns.

Chantal Goulet

Mike was surprised: he thought his message was crystal clear. So he again sat at his keyboard and wrote:

IS BN

:0 -5

36 -4

52 04

-0

If Mike had been more explicit when he wrote his original message, both he and Chantal would have saved time.

Email Netiquette The word “Netiquette” means “the etiquette of writing electronic mail on the net (the Internet).” There are no established guidelines for Netiquette, but we can give you some suggestions that will help you be an efficient email communicator.

First, email does not give you a license to

● write snippets of disconnected information, ● write incorrectly constructed sentences, ● forget about using proper punctuation, ● ignore misspelled words, or ● be abrupt or impolite.

Neither, however, is it a forum for telling long stories, anecdotes, or jokes.

Adopt the Right Tone Too often, we hear people say “It’s only email. It’s supposed to be casual and quick.” That’s true. With email you can be less formal in tone but you still need to be professional. You still need to address the recipient and you still need to “sign” your name to the message. Even if you have a signature file attached to every message you should still type your name at the end. This helps humanize this very technical mode of communication.

52 Chapter 3

To: Chantal Goulet, Carlson Distributors, St. Louis

From: Mike Toller, Crown Manufacturing, Columbus

My message was quite clear: You short-shipped us 10 toolsets type MKV

and 4 No. 801 sockets. You also shipped 2 dozen model 280A lathe bits we

did not order. Please ship the missing items and advise how you want the

bits returned.

Mike Toller

What Mike Toller should

have written the first

time

Chantal replied in six words:

Mike:

Technical Writing Evaluation Report.

Save your time - order a paper!

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