Becoming a registered dietitian

I am planning on becoming a registered dietician and while brainstorming some different changes in nutrition. I thought of using the rise of heart disease deaths in women ages 45-60, the rise of alcohol use in men, and the change in nutrition labels. I decided to go with heart disease deaths in women ages 45-60, because it is a topic, I am very familiar with due to having family die from this disease. The rise of heart disease has a reached a point that many of our family and friends are losing their life too early because of this crisis.

1. Thesis Statement: There are many circumstances that has led to the rise of heart disease death in women.
2. Body Paragraph 1: Heart disease is a major medical factor due to the limited resources for prevention.
3. Body Paragraph 2: The lack of exercise and healthy eating has led to the rise of this disease.
4. Body Paragraph 3: Resolving this issue we need to offer more help to women dealing with this disease.

Question: What can I change in my thesis statement? I struggled coming up with it. Should I rearrange my paragraphs so they can flow better?

Sample Solution

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