Use what you have learned in this unit to analyze two satires. Read Mark Twain’s “A Presidential Candidate” and locate another modern satirical artifact on your own. Your artifact can be an essay, article, or letter; it is up to you to ensure the piece you have selected is, in fact, satirical.
You may wish to print Twain’s satire and the satire you selected so that you can annotate them as you read. Then, for each artifact, respond to the following questions using complete sentences:

1. What is the essential cultural observation or situation being satirized? What clues lead you to this conclusion?
2. What rhetorical strategies does the writer use to achieve the satirical effect? List them, and explain how each is used.
3. What is the social change for which the writer might be calling? Is this change achievable? Does the writer, through satire, imply any suggestions?
   “A Presidential Candidate”
   Mark Twain, 1879

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I have pretty much made up my mind to run for President. What the country wants is a candidate who cannot be injured by investigation of his past history, so that the enemies of the party will be unable to rake up anything against him that nobody ever heard of before. If you know the worst about a candidate, to begin with, every attempt to spring things on him will be checkmated. Now I am going to enter the field with an open record. I am going to own up in advance to all the wickedness I have done, and if any Congressional committee is disposed to prowl around my biography in the hope of discovering any dark and deadly deed that I have secreted, why—let it prowl.
In the first place, I admit that I treed a rheumatic grandfather of mine in the winter of 1850. He was old and inexpert in climbing trees, but with the heartless brutality that is characteristic of me I ran him out of the front door in his nightshirt at the point of a shotgun, and caused him to bowl up a maple tree, where he remained all night, while I emptied shot into his legs. I did this because he snored. I will do it again if I ever have another grandfather. I am as inhuman now as I was in 1850. I candidly acknowledge that I ran away at the battle of Gettysburg. My friends have tried to smooth over this fact by asserting that I did so for the purpose of imitating Washington, who went into the woods at Valley Forge for the purpose of saying his prayers. It was a miserable subterfuge. I struck out in a straight line for the Tropic of Cancer because I was scared. I wanted my country saved, but I preferred to have somebody else save it. I entertain that preference yet. If the bubble reputation can be obtained only at the cannon’s mouth, I am willing to go there for it, provided the cannon is empty. If it is loaded my immortal and inflexible purpose is to get over the fence and go home. My invariable practice in war has been to bring out of every fight two–thirds more men than when I went in. This seems to me to be Napoleonic in its grandeur.
My financial views are of the most decided character, but they are not likely, perhaps, to increase my popularity with the advocates of inflation. I do not insist upon the special supremacy of rag money or hard money. The great fundamental principle of my life is to take any kind I can get.
The rumor that I buried a dead aunt under my grapevine was correct. The vine needed fertilizing, my aunt had to be buried, and I dedicated her to this high purpose. Does that unfit me for the Presidency? The Constitution of our country does not say so. No other citizen was ever considered unworthy of this office because he enriched his grapevines with his dead relatives. Why should I be selected as the first victim of an absurd prejudice?
I admit also that I am not a friend of the poor man. I regard the poor man, in his present condition, as so much wasted raw material. Cut up and properly canned, he might be made useful to fatten the natives of the cannibal islands and to improve our export trade with that region. I shall recommend legislation upon the subject in my first message. My campaign cry will be: “Desiccate the poor workingman; stuff him into sausages.”
These are about the worst parts of my record. On them I come before the country. If my country don’t want me, I will go back again. But I recommend myself as a safe man—a man who starts from the basis of total depravity and proposes to be fiendish to the last.

Sample Solution

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Write a 5-6 page essay in which you perform a systematic analysis of an issue. In this way, you will analyze an
argument and find a specific point of contention at which you can enter the conversation. Your paper will
consist of TWO SECTIONS that are cohesively connected to each other:
(here are the three articles to choose from, just pick one)
Interrogate a single article (“Busy Trap” https://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/06/30/the-busy-trap/ (Links
to an external site.)”Sanctuary of School” http://englishiva1011.pbworks.com/f/SANCSCHL.PDF (Links to an
external site.)or “The Logic of Stupid” https://tressiemc.com/uncategorized/the-logic-of-stupid-poor-people/
(Links to an external site.)) performing an analysis of the issue presented in the article. Uncover “the facts” of
this issue by presenting how the text addresses the following four questions:
What specific facts or data are relevant to the issue?
How can the issue be defined?
How much does it matter and why?
What actions should be taken?

2. From this analysis, identify an impasse–a moment of tension between what the author believes and what
   you believe. This tension will be an opportunity for you to enter the discussion by making a new claim. On
   which of the four questions do you disagree with the author? On which point would you want to intervene and

offer an alternative view or claim? Locate another credible source from the UVU Library Database about this
point of contention. Then, offer your own position on the issue by making a new claim and supporting it with
evidence from the second article.
Assume that the audience of your essay is academic–your peers, your professor, and other college-educated
readers. Adjust your tone and stance to effectively engage this audience.
(I struggled trying to find an article so anything that sounds credible that you can find)
For extra help here is a sample of an essay the teacher gave us
The Fight Against Obesity
Obesity is an epidemic that has swept across our nation. The rates for people being severely overweight
continues to grow immensely each year. In the article, How Junk Food Can End Obesity, David H. Freedman
shares his idea of how to stop this horrible epidemic. Freedman claims that by making processed food
healthier it will greatly help the fight against obesity. Freedman explains that if we are able to keep the same
delicious taste of processed food and just change the ingredients to make it healthier, it will be the greatest way
to possibly end obesity.
What are the facts?
Throughout this article, Freedman explains the very large misconceptions about healthy food and obesity.
These misconceptions are stopping us from taking the right steps to fight and hopefully end obesity. Freedman
explains that the food revolution, that so many are pushing for, is impossible. To completely get rid of
processed foods and instead fully rely on whole foods is unrealistic. There are not enough whole foods to feed
everyone and whole foods are usually much more expensive than processed foods. This movement is
unrealistic and will do nothing to help those who are suffering from obesity. Freedman goes on to say that even
if it was possible to have enough whole foods and for it to be priced cheaper, those who are obese and are
hooked on junk food are not going to be very likely to make this change to whole foods. Healthy food is always
associated with bad taste, so why would you want to make the change from McDonald’s burgers to spinach
and kale?Freedman also explains that much of the obesity in our nation is due to many communities that are
called ‘food deserts’. Food deserts are communities with no stores that sell whole foods and have no whole
food restaurants. These communities are often much poorer too.

Sample Solution

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