According to the suggestion blow to adjust the file I upload, please!!!!!!
The final report should be 10+pages long (includes cover page and reference page).
First suggestion:
FOCUS/THESIS: Focus: audience, I think you need to establish a link between ABC Technology and the elderly population earlier in the paper. Why should this particular company focus on this particular slice of the pie? The paper rightly focuses on one particular group of people (you are smart to do this, as it makes your paper as narrowly focused as it should be), but you do need to establish a reason for ABC Technology caring about this particular group and trying to put money toward a product that will benefit their lives.
To improve overall focus, use this introduction to establish a link between what you’re recommending and why you’re recommending it to ABC Technology. Look at the ideas of what the intro should consist of:
- Define the problem that the company needs to solve. Include any necessary contextual or background information
- Describe the specific company so the reader has a clear understanding of the organization and then define report your role within (or relationship to) the organization.
- Define target audience for the report.
- Describe the recommended solution (thesis statement) and the benefits the solution will provide the target audience.
You’re writing to ABC Technology about a different audience (the elderly) benefiting from this recommendation, so you’ve got to use the intro to establish why ABC should care and also consider including how ABC will benefit as well in your thesis statement. That will help you include the purpose part of the list below (generally pointers I suggest to people to include in the thesis for this assignment):
§Name the audience: whom do you plan to give this recommendation to? What does this person already know? What does this person need to be informed of? What sorts of arguments motivate this person to do what you’re suggesting?
§Name the recommendation: what specifically are you recommending? What do you want to have happen after someone reads your paper?
§Name the purpose: why does this recommendation need to be made? What problem does it respond to?
§Name the angles: how will this recommendation have an effect or what will it look like?
Thesis, should look like:
ABC Technology Company should develop a food delivery app that specifically meets the needs of elderly customers in order to provide better food access, cost of living savings, and healthier choices.
This is pretty simple and missing only one major piece of information (why this is a good move for ABC Technology Company) that the other thesis doesn’t have either! So that’s the ultimate question – why should ABC focus on the elderly? You can find some ideas for this in your conclusion: ABC technology company will also have the chance to develop itself in terms of technology and several other aspects that will enable it to soar to greater heights as far as business is concerned. The company would have stood out in serving humanity with distinction and diligently by delivering quality services which are the core goals and values of the company.
DEVELOPMENT: Developing links between discussion and thesis, your final section of the discussion – whole day working time – does not fit with the overall recommendation about targeting the elderly. Therefore, it does not belong in this recommendation report, even if it is an additional benefit of having an app like this. Make sure your discussion is tightly controlled by the thesis statement.
Also, continue to work on refining the discussion so that each point is explored in the following ways:
a)Explain the issue as it currently stands
b)Provide any research possible that backs up the idea that this is a problem or that this would benefit from being improved
c)Explain how your proposal would achieve this & lead to purpose (overarching need that the recommendation responds to that benefits ABC)
You need to establish the need for this app with this population and also keep coming back to the major purpose that you are going to include in the thesis/intro when you revise – how this benefits ABC also. Try to work on making sure each point of discussion meets these three major points listed above.
We will work more on citations next week, but I will say that you need much more evidence in the discussion. See if you can bulk up the source references in the second part of each point (Provide any research possible that backs up the idea that this is a problem or that this would benefit from being improved).
RHETORICAL STRUCTURE/ORGANIZATION: Organizing your paper to strengthen development and focus Most papers, and particularly one like this, benefit from following an outline that enables you to address the same issues for each part of your suggestion. I will show you how you might use that and the assignment guidelines to prepare an outline that shows how to link the recommendation to the reasons for it and the research that backs the research up. Here is what it might look like:
¡Introduction
Define the problem that the company needs to solve. Include any necessary contextual or background information
Describe the specific company so the reader has a clear understanding of the organization and then define report your role within (or relationship to) the organization.
Define target audience for the report.
Present Thesis: ABC Technology Company should develop a food delivery app that specifically meets the needs of elderly customers in order to provide better food access, cost of living savings, and healthier choices.
¡Discussion
Better food access
a)Explain the issue as it currently stands
b)Provide any research possible that backs up the idea that this is a problem or that this would benefit from being improved
c)Explain how your proposal would achieve this & lead to purpose (overarching need that the recommendation responds to that benefits ABC)
Cost of living savings
a)Explain the issue as it currently stands
b)Provide any research possible that backs up the idea that this is a problem or that this would benefit from being improved
c)Explain how your proposal would achieve this & lead to purpose (overarching need that the recommendation responds to that benefits ABC)
Healthier choices
a)Explain the issue as it currently stands
b)Provide any research possible that backs up the idea that this is a problem or that this would benefit from being improved
c)Explain how your proposal would achieve this & lead to purpose (overarching need that the recommendation responds to that benefits ABC)
(Repeat for any additional reasons)
Opposition – acknowledging arguments against your recommended change & briefly rebutting (optional – you can also address this within each point of discussion, for instance, after you explain how your proposal would achieve the necessary change you describe)
¡Conclusion
Overall summary of recommendation findings with clear audience benefits stated
Next steps
Second suggestions:
FOCUS/THESIS: Focus, your abstract does not mention anything about elderly customers, which is the focus of your recommendation report. Make sure you revise this to reflect the content of the report as well.
Intro Since you worked on the intro, let’s take a closer look at that. It seems like you added to the intro, but you really need to revise it. The issues that existed last week still do (in terms of focus and scope – keep this focused on the company and the elderly, not the restaurant industry or larger economy). Establish from the beginning why this audience needs to do what you’re recommending. Define this company more clearly in the intro so that we know who they are and why they would be interested in doing this (Their personal mission? A need to build a brand? A company run by the elderly?)
ABC Company is your audience, so what problem are they experiencing that this would help? If they are not elderly themselves and looking for ways to get food, then the ways that it benefits the elderly is not necessarily relevant unless they specifically are hoping to do that. If they are hoping to establish a brand for themselves or fulfill their desire to be a company that helps people, then this would make sense, but you need to explain that in your introduction. Make sure you identify the need that ABC has that your recommendation is responding to. The excerpt I posted in “praise” above is an idea that might be worth pursuing in terms of linking it to a need for ABC (has this company had trouble making itself stand out?) and also worth pursuing as a major point of discussion if you’re looking to replace “all day work” with one.
DEVELOPMENT: Using source material to strengthen argument. each point of discussion generally should do the following:
a)Explain the issue as it currently stands
b)Provide any research possible that backs up the idea that this is a problem or that this would benefit from being improved
c)Explain how your proposal would achieve this & lead to purpose (overarching need that the recommendation responds to that benefits ABC)
You need to establish the need for this app with this population and also keep coming back to the major purpose that you are going to include in the thesis/intro when you revise – how this benefits ABC also.
You need much more evidence in the discussion. You should aim to use your source material to do the following:
Provide any research possible that backs up the idea that this is a problem or that this would benefit from being improved
Explain how your proposal would achieve this & lead to purpose (overarching need that the recommendation responds to that benefits ABC – for instance, market competition, if you’re focusing on that and using a thesis that states In order to make itself stand out from competition, ABC Technology Company should develop a food delivery app that specifically meets the needs of elderly customers by providing better food access, cost of living savings, and healthier choices.
For instance, look at this line:
More importantly, the company will be able to build a good reputation that will helps it to attain most of its long-term functional goals and targets.
This is a major point! It is basically what your entire recommendation hinges on. Can you prove this? that is the job here: prove that what you’re recommending will bring what you say it will. Reread your paper and underline any major point that you make. Ask yourself the following:
Why do I think this?
How do I know this?
How do I prove this?
If the answer does not come in one of the following sentences, you’ll need to include information that does.
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